Jan 31, 2012

Okay! Bad sit wen down. Don't ave a lot of time to talk about it, still on te run. Made it into te city and snuck my way to te top of te first tall building I could find. Cilling on te roof for now. Not te greatest cover but it'll do. Will explain better once I've transferred everyting to a new laptop. Tis one is fucked. Can barely see wat I'm typing an- fuck! I'm bleeding all over te keys again, I tougt I ad stopped tat. Gotta get back on te move and track down te next package. Need medical supplies. Will contact wen I'm out of te state. Stay safe.

Keeps getting better and better

So I crawl out of bed this morning with a headache, thankfully still alive, and almost half lucid finally and what do I look out to find on my cameras today? Ho hooo!

Houston we haaaaaave Proxies!

Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh.... and I'm so disappointed in them too. It's totally nobody that I know, I'm pretty sure they would have given me a heads up about it if they were coming out here to visit me, so what we're left with is just a bunch of jokers in masks standing around vacantly staring off into space. Think there are only four of them right now. That's all I can see anyways. They're just sort of chilling out there in a row. I thought I'd get to at least have the satisfaction of watching them searching the grounds for me. Checking for my cameras or tracking down the door. But no, just standing around outside like they're bored with the place. Soooooo disappointing.... -.-;;

I guess it's not all bad though. They don't appear to be armed, so I guess they're just here for show or to wrestle with me or something... I dunno. The big guy hasn't been around for a bit... I don't see him on the cameras anyways... maybe they're waiting for him. I honestly hope he shows up soon because this is just boring. I thought I'd at least be pissing my pants by now, but this? Ugh... maybe I've been so worked up and worried about this thing for nothing. My "feeling threatened" levels are so low right now... I feel like I'm watching a bad horror movie.

Oh wait, is that it over there? The Proxies haven't been reacting to anything at all, so it's hard to tell. No... I think that's just a tree again. Still fucking groggy from earlier... should have been getting more sleep... so fucking stupid...

Ugh, so just keeping you updated I guess. I don't know how much longer things are going to go on like this. The waiting game is honestly annoying. They could at least try prying at the door or something... then again... I'd probably rather they not go prying at the door right now... Hnnngh... I wonder if they're waiting for more reinforcements? Seems like they're just the "cannon fodder" Hallowed type I keep hearing about, so I don't see how more of them would really help mat

...What. The. FUCK. Was That??

I just heard this really fucking loud "Thunking" noise. It almost sounded like it was coming from inside the room, only...

.....wait, one of the Proxies is missing. What-

Fuck! There it is AGAIN! It was closer this time, but it sounded like it came from the other directi- ...another one of the Proxies is gone. It couldn't...

I think I see him on one of the other cameras. It can't be- No. No. No. No. No. No. Fuuuuuck me! Do NOT tell me that he's-!!

I have to go. I don't think I can stay here. It's trying to get in. It's only a matter of time now. I cannot even fucking believe what this thing is doing to-- Fuck! Again! Can't Type. Running Running Running

Jan 30, 2012

Oh for fuck's sake...

Have I mentioned I haven't really been sleping for the past couple of days? -.-;

Because I prtty much haven't...

I broke out the chocolate covered coffee beans I'd been saving and just keeping myself fucking wired so I could keep an eye on the cameras. He's never gone for very long anymore and I don't dare risket... Im afraid I'm goingto wake up and he's gonna be standing over be all tentkly and shit and thaa's just gonna be the end of it.... or that his gonna get in mah head while I'm sleepn and mess with me in my dreams cause my mind is mor vulnerable when im alseep...


Can't somebody like... drive aroun dstate with ....whit whatever the fuck they's called things recorded and play them to summon Slendermen away from here so mayb I could get some effing sleep for a coupel hours and not have to wory about the bastard bein gout there all the time? That would be great....

...or meybe that doctor who chic can come and get me the fuck ouu of here... tha twould e freakin awsome as hell......

...dog damint the walls are moving agan...... fucking caffinee overdorse hallucinasion bullshit......

....fuck it

im laying down.. if he tried to get me then than so fukingc be it. I cant do' anything like this...


....go satre at someone else for six hours you whit eface bitch1

Jan 27, 2012

Waiting Game

So, thought I'd update you guys... It's been around for a couple of days now... It was around when I made my last post too actually, I just didn't really feel like making mention of it at the time...

It comes and it goes. But I'd say it's pretty obvious it knows I'm here. Which is... you know... fan-fucking-tastic. But whatever, we all knew this was coming... I knew it wouldn't last forever... this was destined to happen the moment I exposed myself by starting to blog about the thing, so here we are. Time to deal with it.

Oh... and I can see it for real now. Second time he showed up, either I'd managed to break the barrier or he just stopped pretending to give a shit about hiding from me... whatever the case, yeah, I'm staring at the real monster now. And yes, it is unnerving as fuck.

Luckily, he's staying outside and just sort of wandering around when he's here. It's interesting... I've never really seen him "walking" before now. How something manages to move in a manner that looks completely natural and yet completely wrong at the same time is beyond me. He still "teleports" around too, but it takes me a while to pick up on that, since one moment he'll be one place and then the next he's just gone and it takes a second before my brain actually registers the fact. Like there's some kind of perceptive delay. Then maybe I'll spot him again on another camera a moment later. If I don't, then he's either left or just outside camera visibility somewhere.

I have to say, I'm surprised the cameras are even holding up. I expected a bunch of interference or something when he showed up, but really they only show signs of static every so often and that's about as bad as it gets. Maybe what we normally see in vlogs is just him screwing up the part of the camera that does the actual recording/saving bit. The tape or whatever. I dunno. I'm just glad I can kind of keep an eye on him.

I figure it's only a matter of time before he tries to get inside. I'm not sure exactly how that's going to happen either. He may know I'm here, and I'm sure my steadily growing paranoia is making that Aaaaall the more obvious, but he still can't see me. And since he can't see inside of this place, trying to "teleport" himself inside is probably quite dangerous. (Though if he does try that and manages to fuck up and kill himself via telefrag then I am going to laugh my fucking ass off.) Not sure how obvious the "door" is to him, but I'm kind of hoping that would hold up against an attack. I mean, this is a fallout shelter, it should be able to survive the shockwaves from an atom bomb. I doubt they managed to test it against Slender Tentacles, but hey, tough is tough, right? Right? <.<;

For now I'm just waiting things out. I've got a bag packed and ready to go. In the event of an emergency, all I need to do is grab it and my laptop and I'm out the door. I'll try to keep you up to date but... haaaa... yeah, may become a bit strapped for typing time real soon so... maybe just keep holding your breath or something.

Jan 23, 2012


Whelp, I'm pretty much tripping balls off of recent events, so lets just play around with this one in some sad attempt to cling to my sanity. Not that I really feel like I'm losing it, but fuck, how exactly is one meant to tell how and when they are "losing it?" So in an attempt to deny any and all speculation towards that subject, we shall be pre-emptively ignoring the fuck out of it and pretending everything is okay, because it totally is, because I just said so.

Anyways, I was having this nice little giggle fit earlier and I guess Mr Overseer is to blame for that for the most part. And I could go into details as to why, but god is that ever a long story, so how bout you just go figure that one out on your own? But this isn't a me complaining about other people post, so the name dropping pretty much ends there. I just needed something to give my present thoughts context for anyone coming in late to the party...

Now, I've stressed before that whatever these other creatures running around are... I don't want anything to do with them. I don't have enough time to research ONE monster, much less "x" dozen of them. But that doesn't mean I'm not paying attention. Follow the Construct around enough and it seems you run into all kinds of fun terrifying shit. So I notice things. I can say that much. I don't research them, but they don't escape my notice. I'd try to ignore them entirely, but they make that Really Fucking Difficult. Hopefully once/if I make it out of here, the Construct will put on enough of a show of coming after me that any other would be stalkers will fuck off and leave me alone. But I've still got to be aware enough to know the difference between one shifting shadow and the next one. Basic supernatural survival tactics I guess.

Anyways, while I'm sitting here "noticing things," I happen upon a realization or two. Contrary to my prior observation, noted here, these things do appear to be actively at odds with one another... on perhaps a much larger scale than I could have previous imagined. Certain words The Overseer has used in the past, viewed in a new light, make for quite the entertaining observation. And though I don't know enough to really comment on it, I have heard about them all playing some sort of "Great Game." And I'm starting to draw a lot of interesting parallels between all of this...

You know, once upon a time, there were all of these gods and goddesses, for perspective I'm thinking somewhere along the lines of Greek Mythology at the moment, since most people tend to know about that stuff. Now, they got together a lot, chatted it up a good bit, played tricks on each other, and of course... were constantly at each other's throats. This was not one big happy family. They argued a LOT. But instead of settling their disputes themselves, they normally gathered up their followers and got them to do it for them. The siege of Troy is probably a pretty good example of that. The outcome was all but pre-determined, yet the gods that sided with Troy fought tooth and nail, pulling every little trick in the book to keep the city defended and safe.

If you're clueless about the old myths though... I admit my memory fails me a bit, I used to be really into that stuff, but it's been a whiiiiiiile... how about a recent example? God of War. The first one. Because it was actually a great story of classic Greek tragedy and not a lifeless adventure of "How many giant things can we find for this guy to violently rape?" Here, Kratos, a champion of the gods, is sent off on a quest to kill a rogue god. He's given guidance and support by certain gods, granted great weapons and powers from them, and ultimately he wields his combined powers against Ares and defeats him.

Now, here today, we've got a group of humans united under one "god" to research means of hampering the efforts of and perhaps defeating another "god." While at the same time, those two gods just so happen to hold get togethers with their friends and party hard like they're the bestest of buds. And that's okay I guess... because so long as they aren't attacking each other directly, then they're following the rules and nobody gets upset. Is that it, basically?

Which leads me to wonder. How many little organizations like this exist? How many of us, without our knowledge are working to benefit some other "god." How do we know we're not being led to these actions by the guiding hand of some "noble benefactor?" The gods of old are as alive as they've always been... they've taken on different forms, but they're still guiding humanity in the same manner as they have in the past. It's like one big RL game of Civ 5, only instead of the likes of Elizabeth and Bismarck, it's the Wooden Girl and the Slender Man.

And you know, I'd be more worried about that kind of situation, but if it's been going on this long and we don't even notice, then fuck it. We haven't launched nukes at each other yet, clearly the players have functioning brains at least. Doesn't mean I approve, but hey, could be worse. Furthermore, I like to look at it from the perspective of Norse Mythology, which I can do because the Construct has been closely tied to it in the past(as well as to Yggdrasil, another element of Norse Mythos), because it has the best end times story. Yeah, pretty much everyone dies in Ragnarok, but it also ends with the world being reborn and humanity starting anew... without any more "gods" to direct them and fuck things over... because they all Die. So let them have their little games... because when it's all over, the only ones still standing, are us humans.

Jan 21, 2012

It's Gone

That is all... -.-;

Well, That's New

So, typically speaking, my grand surveillance camera viewing adventures are pretty boring. I've got to the point where I barely even notice them running in the background anymore. The times when I found peace or joy out of just watching the leaves fall or the trees sway in the wind or that random bird fluttering about have similarly passed. It can still be relaxing, especially if the birds are chirping... because Oh God, Naturally Occurring Sounds! Something to listen to that isn't my freaking laptop fan!

But yeah, it's gotten old. Nothing ever happens. The biggest scare I've had, apart from the previously mentioned one, was when I heard a bunch of really loud clicking noises coming from the speakers and checked about until I found one with- OH MY GOD WHAT IS THAT HORRIBLE GIANT BEAST STARING INTO THE CAMERA LENS AND WHERE DID IT COME FROM AND LOOK AT THE SIZE OF IT'S EYES AND IT'S TEETH AND-

...oh wait it's a Squirrel.

....Awwwwwww~ <3 <3 <3

So yeah, random fluffy cuteness monsters and loud screechy noise thing aside, I haven't really gotten much play out of these cameras. My fantasies of lost and clueless Proxies scouring the woods for me totally lost to the land of my dreams!

And now there's this shit... -.-;

I'm looking out one of my cameras at this one tree. There's nothing really special about it, it's just a freaking tree, just like all the other trees. It's not huge or bleeding or anything. It's just a tree. And it's just there. So it normally wouldn't be a problem... Except that I've never seen it before today.

This isn't some "Oh the leaves fell out of the trees and now you can see more of the surrounding area" bullshit either. I've had a clear view of these woods for weeks. Nine times out of ten, the whole place is as silent, dead, and unmoving as a still painting. I've practically got the landscape memorized. So "Tree suddenly appearing out of nowhere" kind of raises my brow a bit.

And I'm steadily inching towards freaking out over it, because I've heard about this kind of thing happening before. So what I've pretty much convinced myself at this point... is that I'm peering into a Perception Filter. So I'm sort of writing this out as much for self-confirmation of the matter as I am for you guys to be aware of the situation. Because I'm not stupid. I know what it really is out there. You ALL already know what it really is.

Sometimes I hate being right... I fucking called it here, I know it. So... great, I guess I'm going to start putting my philosophies into practice and start pounding away at my psyche until I can see this thing for what it really is. And while I'm doing that, I'm going to hope really hard that it goes the fuck away.

But at least now I don't have to worry about what decision to make regarding my food situation.... I'm fucking ecstatic.

Jan 19, 2012

Second Guessing Everything

I'm not in a good place right now...

Was that last post helpful at all? Sort of? Maybe? Or was it just more of the same old, same old...? I don't know why I even wrote it. I almost didn't post it... sat there arguing with myself over it. But not just the last one, the one before it even. I mean, perspective is my key element of defense... it's what I've been holding on to and something I've wanted to talk about for a while now but... was what I wound up saying about it of any use? I- I don't know. I'm not sure anymore.

I'm starting to stress out again... I've felt it coming on for the last couple of days now. Only this time it's not over something I can just vent about and be done with, it's a situation I'm kind of stuck with and it's not going away.

To re-examine a question Nightscream asked a month or two ago... it's been a month or two ago hasn't it? Fucking dates... whatever. I don't think my available food supplies are going to last me much longer. Even if I dig into some things I'd been saving and stretch it all out, I really don't see this lasting more than a couple of weeks. I've been watching this little stack of boxes slowly dwindle away for a while now and it's finally getting to me. There's no way to have anything delivered out here without compromising myself... I could go out on my own and come back later but... that's not really a safe bet either. So it feels like I'm going to have to just... leave. And I'm not sure if I'm ready for that...

Not enough time to prepare myself.... never enough time...

So now I've basically been sitting around here worrying myself half to death about what I'm going to do next and where am I gonna go... I've got all sorts of plans floating around my head, but... fuck, I- ....I don't know. I guess I'm just afraid to go out there. For all my studies, I still don't know what to expect. Anything could happen.

And I can't help thinking that... all this worry and stress and fear and whatever the hell else... is gonna lead him right to me... So I keep trying to just distract myself and ignore it all, but it's always there, calling in the back of my mind and I can't escape it. I can't guard my perceptions like this... and that's extremely extremely bad... because if I keep thinking something terrible is about to happen....

...then it probably will.

Jan 18, 2012

We Are Legion

You can claim I'm borrowing this topic from North is you want. I was commenting to him about it already though, so I get to claim a small bit of originality.

When I wrote my Solstice Story "In Memoriam" I knew I was writing a work of fiction. It was really the same old story that had been told a year before... I just added a few new elements that have popped up since then for an extra bit of supernatural flair. But regardless, the story is fiction not merely because it was a story that I made up, but because it was an impossibility to begin with. The fact of the matter is, no matter how united the runners and the fighters claim to be... they are not united. They cannot be united. Perhaps they are too selfish. Perhaps they are too scared. I don't know. Regardless, the fact remains the same.

And this is bothersome... because while certainly the simple idea the Solstice Story(s) suggest of throwing bodies at the problem until it goes away is... proooooobably a bad idea... it still remains that there is so much more we could be doing together as a group of that size than we could ever do alone. When speaking with North, I had mentioned in limited detail something from another story... in which a great dragon, powerful and wise as he may be, was overwhelmed by a swarm of rats. Certainly the rats were small, weak, and insignificant by compare to the dragon... but they possessed strength in numbers. Together, they were Legion. And the Dragon's bones were picked dry.

Now just think about that for a moment. The Construct may well be a god by some people's standards... but he's still only one creature. And us? Last time I heard the numbers, we were bordering on the edge of there being 7 Billion of us. That's 7 Billion Humans Vs 1 Construct. Now why oh why do you think he is so keen on keeping his existence concealed within the shadows? That he sends his Proxies to eliminate the ones he doesn't want? the ones that won't stop investigating? the ones that could expose him to the world? I can only reason that the creature is as afraid of us as we are of him. Certainly he holds the advantage over us by a wide margin. But hit something hard enough... hit it enough times... and eventually it will break. Do you really think, that if humanity opened its eyes and turned its collective fist against the Construct, that we wouldn't win?

But convincing the world is an impossibility. There are still people that believe the world is Flat. We're pretty much fucked at the concept of ever convincing all of humanity to share in any one single perception. But then... I really doubt that we need 7 Billion to do the job. 7 Hundred may well be enough... or even 70. Who knows? But I guarantee if enough of us truly banded together and put our minds to the task, then we'd find a way to beat this thing.

But once again, simply throwing enough bodies at the problem isn't enough. And nobody is going to sign on for such an obvious suicide mission. Several varieties of insects acting as a hive would gladly send themselves to die for the good of the collective when under attack by a greater predator... but human's are too individualistic to act in such a selfless manner. Not under normal circumstances anyways. Self preservation is typically more important to us. So we continue to act alone... and we continue to die alone.

There are two key factors which would be required to change this. One is proper leadership. Of which we have none. Certainly a few heroes exist amongst us who could perceiveably band together to unite us, but they seem reluctant to consider such lofty ideals. After all, the burden of every defeat must be carried by a leader. And surely, even among a group leadership... a Rule of Three, perhaps? ...the same issues remain. No one wants to carry that weight. But then, perhaps there are some who could carry the weight, but lack the renown or credibility to be entrusted with the task? It's always something...

The other half of the equation, is to have an effective means of assault. Without a weapon or a form of attack which can be utilized against the Construct, a gathering of this nature would be pointless. No one wants to fight a battle they know they can't win. Until a "weapon" is discovered that can physically harm the Construct, with effects that can be continually replicated, then any effort to unite the runners in an all out offensive strike would surely fail.

And yet even with these conditions met, I'm left to wonder... would the runner's ever truly unite in such a fashion? I look around and... I kind of have to shake my head. No offense guys but... we're just not there yet. And that worries the hell out of me.

Jan 16, 2012

Perception is Key

So, obviously, you may have noticed me spouting that line a few times by now... I kind of stopped for a bit when I derailed my theory postings for other things, but since we're getting back into this mess, I thought I should explain it a bit better, especially since it's sort of becoming my own little Madness Mantra... but it does serve a personal purpose beyond its theory. It's a reminder. About how I need to approach this thing.

See, people try to explain this thing and how it works in a lot of different ways. From the simple to the fantastical to outright quantum mechanics bullshit... but it's always a little different. Every explanation you hear is a little different from the one that came before it, regardless of how similar. Inconsistencies are everywhere. Some people seem to want to call that Dimensional Bleeding or some other such nonsense... and hey, maybe that's what it is... for you...

But for me, I see it all as a matter of Perspective. The way we perceive the Construct effects everything... from how we deal with it to what it can do to us. I originally didn't really want to agree with Jay(Sage)'s "It's all in our heads" Theory, but it's the best parallel I can come up with. It works the way we think it does. If you think getting up high will keep you safe from it, then it does. If you think writing Operator Symbols on the back of your hoodies will give you some advantage over it, then it does. If you think you've got no chance in hell of surviving it... then you won't. (And yes, I acknowledge that, having read Spencer's more detailed explanation, my opinions very closely follow the guidelines of "Page Theory" as well, so perhaps there is some truth to that one... but I'll draw more parallels later.)

And I also see that as how it attacks us. It seeks to change our perception of itself. It wants us to see it in a very certain way. Whether that be to fear and submit to it, or to embrace and accept it. Either way, it's goal seems clear enough... to break us down... to make us perceive it as superior to ourselves... so it can dominate our lives. It seeks to control us by turning our perception against us.

So the obvious option of counter-action is simple... Don't let him.

Which means having strong enough convictions and beliefs to cement your perceptions. To put up a mental blockade that prevents all attempts to break through your defenses. You have to know who you are... and what It is. You must deny any other suggestion of otherwise. You are you. It cannot... It MUST NOT... break you. Don't let it make you into something you're not. Fight it till the end, as they say... "Make it work for it's food."

But that isn't to say it's going to be easy. Affirming your convictions like that isn't something you can just do on the fly... and you can't just "pretend" that everything is going to be fine. That's not how it works. In fact, you're probably going to have to go through an awful lot of hell before you can even begin to truly say that you've cemented your perceptions. The Construct has the advantage of experience. It's been doing this for years. Breaking people down one by one. It knows all the right buttons to press to get what it wants. You're not going to be able to fight that. Not right away. You're going to have some setbacks... but that's okay. You keep fighting. You survive. You learn. And eventually you'll get there.

There is another problem though. Just because you perceive something one way, doesn't mean everyone else does. This is the part where Page Theory seems to come more into play in my equations. When these "pages" begin to overlap, conflicting perceptions cause a localized rift which allows the Construct to manipulate the overlapping perceptions and steer them into a direction which stands in his favor. For speculative example, perhaps someone like M is on a ridiculously high rooftop somewhere with... I dunno, fuck it, Nightscream. M's perceptions are pretty adamant that the Construct can't see or reach him in this location, but Nightscream's beliefs are very much the opposite. This creates an opportunity for the Construct to break the established rules and use Nightscream's perceptions to override M's and manifest itself on the rooftop with ease. Kind of a far out senario... but hey, maybe that's why M hate's large groups?

In any event, what this means is that whenever you enter into a group environment, your perceptions are going to be even more greatly challenged than before and have a higher likelihood of faltering under pressure. Which makes maintaining your beliefs in that moment, and again later after they have been challenged, even harder. It's an internal conflict which you may not be able to "win" but you can at the very least still utilize your perceptions to erect as many defenses as possible for yourself. This all falls back to the "Do what works for you" advice that a few bloggers have handed out in the past. Everything relies on your own perceptions.

So... that's basically the fight I'm preparing myself for. I'm not sure if I'm strong enough to handle it... I guess I'll find out in time... but maybe you'll be stronger. Lets hope so.

Just keep telling yourself... "Perception is Key"

Jan 12, 2012

I'm too lazy to hold that many conversations at once

Okay, so, Dia had a field day apparently. XD
I was going to go through, read them all, then reply individually to the points I felt still mattered, but then I'd have to continue bouncing around through those older pages when/if she replies to them and... yeah, we're not doing that. So I'm just making a new post dedicated to responding to her, give myself some more time to hammer out my big theory post, and everybody's fucking happy, so awaaaaaaaaay we go!

Alright, basically I think what I'm gonna do here is throw up the post title and then respond to what's there. If I've nothing to really say, then I'll skip that one... so we know I didn't skip any on purpose. This all being the case, unless you're really that interested in listening to me ramble for as long as this will probably last, then I'd probably say this one is for Dia and you can skip it. I'll highlight if I think it's remotely important to anyone else...

-Systems Online
Nice to meet you as well. My name, for all intents and purposes, is The Gargoyle, but I respond to various other nicknames which I appear to have been accumulating as of late, so feel free to experiment with that.

-Better Days
I somewhat have to believe in coincidences though, in the same way I believe in chance. Because at the end of the day, those are all mathematical equations. And math generally doesn't lie... unless you do it wrong.

-Storytime with Gargoyle
Might have been Jekyll... I seem to recall him proposing similar theory at least. But going with that concept, my thoughts on everything relating to perception would seem to hold true.

Though, I imagine that ultimately we all die by our own words.

MRE's are most certainly not tasty. You get used to them after a while, but they're still crap. XD Wouldn't recommend them for anything other than quick and easy fuel when you're on the run, or something similar to my situation perhaps... I am exercising though. Probably not the best routine in a confined space, but with rare exceptions I'm getting it done daily.

-All Hallows Eve
Ah, the Black Shakes. The term was coined by an "internet celebrity" I used to listen to. Essentially, the onset of the illness was the result of the individual in question spending the majority of his time every day in front of a computer screen. Constantly refreshing pages, constantly looking for updates. Caring for basic necessities and then back in front of the monitor. He was getting maybe six hours of sleep a day. And this continued for weeks, if not months on end. Inevitably, the constant stimulation resulted in a form of system overload and he became horribly ill. The primary symptom being an uncontrollable shaking, in addition to dizziness, nausea, and some mild degree of hallucination. He had to completely disconnect himself from the internet for several weeks before he was able to even look at a computer screen without becoming dizzy.

In my attempt to become a digital incarnation of the Gargoyle, the requirement to be constantly wired in to the internet, always online, always watching... would have put me at very high risk of contracting such an illness. So I attempted to avert this through moderation. However, looking back now in retrospect, it is entirely possible to suggest that my breakdown and illness were symptoms of the condition. Yet another reason why I've been trying more lately to disconnect myself from this as much as possible. I would prefer not to suffer another repeat of that episode.

We could be living in magical pony paradise and people would still find things to complain about. Human nature. But yeah, the extremes sometimes are fantastic... Facepalm away.

-Book of Secrets
I haven't really had any interesting or revealing dreams since then though. Still not sure what I think about that one. But without anything else of significance popping up, I can't help but call it a fluke. Should that change however, I will keep people informed. But only if it's substantial enough to warrant mention... because I'm pretty sure for a very brief moment last night that I dreamed I was playing Civ 5 against The Messenger, but I really don't consider something stupid like that to an important topic of discussion, do you?

-Overwhelming Data
Well, any publicity is good publicity, technically. I'd prefer not to be drawing crowds purely for the sake of seeing my next violent explosion of words. But hey, whatever it takes to grab people's attention, right?

-It's Hot
I managed at least two of those things...

-Right... So, Hello again
The fumes dissipated a lot quicker than I thought, but they did hang around for most of that particular day... if I'm recalling it correctly anyways. There were chemical fumes in the air... XP

-I miss out on all the fun stuff
People seem to have an amazing capacity to ignore certain aspects of a person. Like, most people are really good at ignoring that Micheal Jackson was (probably) a child molester. Sometimes fame and popularity... or just simple emotional attachment... can cause these subdued and otherwise unfathomable reactions.

The fact that we largely only converse with each other over the internet probably aids in allowing for that disconnect from reality. As there are several people I would probably see and approach in a very different light were I conversing and interacting with them in person.

-Blogger Hates Me
I like how you flipped your shit when you realized who that was... That was basically the same response I had, only more subdued because I haven't had any first person encounters like you appear to have had. I was going to tell you not to worry about that though because I'm pretty sure it's a non-issue again, but then I clicked on something and now I'm going to shut up about it forever. Moving on...

But I have amusing conflicts, yes... most of the time.

Clearing the Air...
I doubt I'll be coming after you or anyone else with a blade or fire. ...okay, maybe fire. But blades really aren't my style and frankly... I'm getting sick of hearing about them. I mean, knives, sure... easily concealable, silent but deadly... but god damnit it's 2012 and some of you people are walking around with swords! Unless you're carrying a sword that is composed of a cylindrical handle which projects a beam of high intensity laser death, then you are fighting with with weapons from a forgotten era in an age where people have GUNS. You do not bring a sword to a gun fight. This is not Final fucking Fantasy!

God, I heard even MK-II is running around with a sword... bitch, you'd better be carrying around some kind of badass fucking claymore or something because I swear if you're carrying around another one of those replica freaking katanas I am going to lose every point of potential respect I might have had for you. I am so tired of people going around like they're some kind of 1337 fucking ninja because they've got a katana. There's only like three people I've encountered who "might" actually know how to use a sword and the rest are just posers.

Hmmm... tangent aside...
It's not that I don't trust a few people enough to open the door for them. I have a lot of other reasons for not opening that door. But no, you're correct. I've exposed myself to this through my blog and I've been talking to a fair number of Proxies, it would be some kind of mOtHeR fUcKiNg MiRiCle for me to have not been noticed by now by the Construct. So I suppose the hope is that I haven't made myself interesting (or tasty) enough for him to care about me. Because I somehow doubt this is going to last much longer. One way or another.

But when and if that time comes, I think I'd prefer to get myself out of this mess then have anyone (Runner or Proxy) risking their ass to pull me out of here. If it's my time to go, it's my time to go. No sense in dragging anyone else down with me.

-Yer a wizard Harry
And lets not even get started on the concepts behind Australian Christmas...

-We're the same You and I
I'm blaming this on you FreedomCaged...
I'm totally blaming this on you.

-Bonne Wiley Sigma
What's happened here... is that I basically had the notion in my head, but I kept subconsciously changing the word without realizing it. I actually went back and edited some of those posts once to correct myself with the version of the word I had meant to be using. What you just found is one that I missed. The phrase has the same meaning either way, because it's basically the same word in different... tenses? I- ...I don't know. English is not my best subject. And I tend to think my words faster than I type them so I fuck things up sometimes and/or leave words out entirely.

-In memorium
Well, it IS a work of fiction after all. I've taken some liberties with it in that regard. I think it would be a moderately effective strategy if it were possible to organize it, but the Runners... they are a self-centered bunch. Typically preferring to do things their own way than attempt to act in actual collective unison.

...Maybe one day. XP

-Something Passed Over
As I noted in the Things That Go Bump in the Daylight post, it's very hard to spend any amount of time delving into this "mythos" and not see signs over other monsters. So yes, I acknowledge these things. You'd have to be a fool not to. You're being stalked by a tall man in a business suit with no face and tentacle arms, then you're going to tell me you don't believe in the big white naked dog thing with the scar face? How is that even a stretch at this point?

So yeah... "Fears," "Fossils," "PREs" ...a rose by any other name is still a rose... I acknowledge that there are monsters lurking in the shadows. In fact, one of my previously unstated theories revolves around the notion that we should be trying harder to make these things fight one another... and not just because that scene on the boat with Steward was so fucking awesome. These are all dangerous predators feeding off the same prey. Logic suggests they should be at each other's throats more often... not hanging around chatting with one another like the Eldritch Legion of Doom. Provoking these things into conflict with one another is would probably be one of the most singularly effective means of killing them we have. But good luck manipulating the great manipulators I guess... XP

-Providing Solutions
This one is actually for Schadenfreund, but yeah, I'm aware of that safe-house. Given it's a recent establishment however, quickly filling fast, and put together by a former "big name" Proxy... I'd have to admit I'm skeptical about it's future. I think I've seen how that particular story ends... but we'll see.

Additionally, there are the sanctuaries provided by Eden's East. Sounds like they're doing well enough for the time being. FreedomCaged provided a nice outsider's perspective of the one of them just recently that revealed a bit more substantial information about them. Promising so far.

Seems like there was a Hospital or something at one time that served a similar function as well... can't say I stayed very caught up on that one though so... dunno.

...Is that all of them?
Oh thank god. XD
And... yeah... don't think that I've missed while looking back over those old posts that... I seemed more sane and together in the early stages than I am now. That's... a little bothersome... but probably to be expected, so... fuck it. We're done here.

Jan 10, 2012

One Big Unhappy Family

I've been having trouble fitting some theory into words lately. I blame some... distractions. But yeah, would rather take a bit more time putting my thoughts in order to ensure I say everything I want to say about this. Still felt like posting something though, so I thought I'd just ramble a bit instead about something that came up during the last- hmm... actually, from every "storm" that's blown through here. I think Rhodes was the last one to make the comment though, so I'll pretend I'm picking on him... You can play along with that if you like.

Every so often, someone like me has a disagreement with another runner and it degrades into shouting matches and friends come to the aid of friends and it sometimes, if not more often, turns into a bit of a scuffle of words. As one passerby might have put it, everyone whips out their e-dicks and starts waving them around declaring they've got the biggest. This is kind of human nature. We thrive on conflict. Shit happens. So then inevitably, as we sit around ripping each other a part, one of our delightful friends on the other side comes along and expresses their enjoyment of how we're tearing each other down and how much easier it's going to be for them to take us all out now.

This is funny to me.

Here's why...
See, I guess you can't see this simple fact because you're wearing your hypocrisy perception filter goggles, but ahh... You guys bicker more than we do! XD Oh, and fun fact! You tend to do it a lot more often in person too. With KNIVES.

Now, I know, I know. You're not all ripping each other apart daily either. Or at the very least you're not blogging about it. But seriously, lets take a test. Stop for a moment and think about it. Of your fellow Proxy, how many of them do you really like and get along with? You can think of a few, right? Of course! Just go ahead and jot them down on a sheet of paper.

Okay, now get yourself another sheet for your next list. Ready? Stop for a moment and think of all the Proxies you can't fucking stand and would probably like to see murdered violently(preferably by yourself). Woooow... that list just EXPLODED didn't it? Do you even need to compare them at this point?

I mean really, half of these guys you would have nothing to do with if you weren't under orders to work with and put up with them. You guys just had a bitchin New Years Party the other week and though plenty of fun times and pleasant conversations were had, you spent the whole time wondering when shit was going to hit the fan and you'd all start trying to kill one another. Oh, and of course, eventually, that highly anticipated course of action IS what happened.

And you think we're falling apart because we yell at one another over the internet from time to time? XD

Here's the fact of the matter to set the record straight, okay guys? I'm pretty sure a good half of the runner's hate each other, just like you guys hate at least half of each other. The key difference between the two groups, from my observation, is this... The runners are willing to work together to help one another. Sometimes for no reason what so ever. And sometimes even when it's a person they don't particularly like. When's the last time one of you guys can say one of your fellows really came to help you out? And they weren't under orders to do so? Oh, I'm sure it still happens. Not all of you are complete dicks after all. But it's the exception rather than the rule, am I right?

I mean, just look around yourselves right now. How many of your fellows were in trouble recently? Or are in trouble right now? It'd be pretty easy for me to drop a few names, but I'm gonna refrain from that on account of it seeming to hold the potential to further upset the people or situations in question... but you all read the same blogs I do, you know who I'm thinking of. So how many of you have offered to do a damned thing to help them out? I mean, maybe there's nothing you can do, but you could at least offer a word or two of support from time to time. More often than not, these troubled Proxies are getting more sympathy and offers of aid from their Enemies than they are from their own allies. That's pretty sad guys.

You may have better organization and general leadership than the runners and fighters, but you're missing a lot of heart. It's not going to damage your image to show a little compassion from time to time, ya know? I mean, rail against the runners and their problems all you want, that's your job, but help each other out from time to time how about it? That sound like a plan? Because as dumb as the runners act sometimes, if push came to shove and one of them called out for help, you know everyone with the capacity to do so would reach out to aid them. Runners stick together like that when it counts. It's one of the few things you could stand to learn from them.

And understand, I'm not trying to push some "Friendship is Magical" bullshit on you. I'm just saying look after your own. You can bitch them out all you want, but help a brother out when he's in need how about it? Is that so much to ask? Because until you're capable of that much, I don't want to hear shit about how we're tearing each other apart because we bitch at one another. We're a much stronger community of people who hate each other than you seem to be.

Jan 6, 2012

Missing the Point Entirely

I read something recently that made me kind of slap my head. Maybe it's one of those things where I'm the only one that sees the counter-logic? Or perhaps rather where I'm one of the few who sees it? Since that's a bit less egotistical of a statement. XP So since M isn't around to really handle this himself, in terms much more easily understood than I'll probably use, I suppose I'll have to step up and explain this for him.

Put simply, up front, for those of you too lazy to read big long paragraphs (assuming I actually ramble on that long about this... I mean I just started typing, this could go anywhere), the point of my present argument is this... "Get Up High does not equate to Ground Level Elevations."

That's not too hard to understand right? Basically, the argument I saw... and if you realize you're the one I'm picking on, Soooooooooorrrrrrrrryyyyyyy... that since there was evidence to suggest that the Construct had once appeared and perhaps frequently visited the peak of a one of the tallest mountains in the world, that the concept of "Get up high" must be debunked. Here is the basis of my counter-arguement... Though certainly the mountain you are standing on is most certainly "up high" in terms of geological elevation, the simple fact of the matter is that you're still standing on the GROUND.

Now, though I'm gradually shifting my opinion of the Constructs nature and intelligence as I gain more information, I still generally assume it to be an element most in tune with nature and the natural order of things. I mean, what's his favorite place? The Woods. What's he most associated with? Trees. And this is not even getting into the long topic of The Path that he travels and it's Black Leaves. As such, I find myself acting under the general assumption that the Construct has no issues at all traveling about through the Earth's natural environments. Where the problem springs up is when he encounters something man-made. These structures are unnatural, foreign objects in his domain. They interfere with his vision and his natural means of travel. They're obstacles that hinder his movement. Hence, what you're looking for when you're trying to "Get up high" isn't the lonely shack on top of a mountain, but the 60 story skyscraper downtown.

And yes, these tactics still don't always work, but it isn't necessarily because the theory or "the rule" or whatever you want to call it is wrong, but rather because it's effectiveness is limited. "Get up high" is a survival tactic, not a permanent means of prolonged safety. The Construct CAN climb tall man-made structures. The issue is that it's not very easy for him to do so. He's probably getting better at it, but it still can take time. Because lets all recall in a very early Tutorial post, M was hanging out on a rooftop when the Construct found and moved him. That's where he basically reiterated another part of the theory... you never stay in one place for very long. Eventually, he's going to reach you no matter how high up you go if you just stay in the same spot all the time. You're not untouchable up there, just "safer" than you'd be on the ground.

Also, I think by the same measure, just being up high obstructs his vision. Like, maybe he suffers from videogame syndrome the likes of which Half-life tries to combat, where he just never looks up. All the people are on the ground beneath him, right? Why look up? And even then, that man-made artifact is obstructing his gaze, so presumably he might not be able to see you up there, which also leads to the whole "taking longer to find you up there" aspect.

And how does this co-relate to my current situation? I'm not sure. I'm hoping the nature of my environment renders me similarly invisible I guess but... hard to say. Regardless, I know it's not perfect and will probably suffer under the same flaws. So I'll just keep holding my breath for now I guess and stop trying to debunk my own protective strategies. In the meantime, maybe this lovely little spill will help a few of out.

Just remember... M's not Dead.

Jan 4, 2012

Providing Solutions

So apparently I'm not doing enough to really help the community. In fact, somehow I've just been reciting lines from the book of Missing Elephants. Not sure how that happened. Pretty sure I missed something somewhere. But whatever, that comment came from someone who was overreacting as much as I was (okay not neeeeeeearly as much as I was, but you get the point) and I think we're past that now so I'll stop pretending to be spiteful about it. Fact of the matter is that he may well be right, so I'd like to try spitting out something a little less speculative and a little more concrete, in hopes it could prove more helpful for runners. And even if I wind up repeating things that have been said before, I can at least say I was among the first to compile the data. So here goes.

You want to escape from the Construct? Here are some proven methods of escape and/or survival from the Construct. I'll start with the terrible ones so we don't end on such a downer and you can get the "this guy is crazy" thoughts out of your head right away so I can build myself back up to sanity near the end.

1) Commit an "Act of Despair" (IE - Kill Yourself)
See? I told you the first ones were terrible. But it's a legitimate escape. Not one I would really suggest, obviously. But if you are at the end of your rope and have absolutely negative zero other options...? Can't say I would blame you. Better peacefully by your own hands then whatever horrible fate you'd suffer at the hands of the Construct.

2) "Embrace the Archangel"
Yup, not keen on working for Slendy? Not a problem! There are dozens of other terrible creatures that would just love to have you for their eternal slave. This option provides about all of the same general benefits of being a Slender Proxy, provided of course you're allying yourself with something that doesn't immediately take complete control of your body as soon as you submit to them. Your survivability rate will be about equal to that of the average Slender Proxy, so if you're lucky you could actually live a pretty long time that way... but you're still working for a monster. But hey, at least you've got protection from the Construct.

Again, not a stellar option, but if you're looking to serve but you just really freaking hate the Construct, then there are other options.

3) Join a Cult Town
This is actually a pretty nice deal if you think about it. Provided you're accepted, you'd basically get all of the protections and convenience of being a Proxy, but without having to actually go around doing a bunch of really nasty dirty work. You still have to make sacrifices alongside the rest of the town and you've got to put up with that whole "Worshiping the Construct as a God" thing, but otherwise your life would be pretty normal and if you're lucky, you may well even live long enough to die of old age. This also provided that no one in town suddenly decides to be An Hero and fuck everything up for the rest of you.

It's a gamble, by no means perfect, and you'd probably have a hard time living with yourself... but it is an option. Probably the best of the really terrible ones.

4) Kill the Construct
I'm just not gonna elaborate any further on this one. It's an obvious solution. But until we have a means of actually accomplishing it, it isn't worth dwelling on. Granted, there is A's method... but his demon was in his own mind and what he found when he vanquished it was even worse, so possibly not exactly the best route to take... Hard to say. We'll just leave this one on the shelf for now....

5) Cause the Construct so much trouble he literally just gives up on you
This is not easy. This is not easy at all. You're practically foolish to even attempt it, but it is plausible. I'm throwing out a reference to Operation Wintergreen with this one. They had a lot of casualties, though some were never quite confirmed... but two survivors walked away at the end, alive and free of Construct activity. I suppose if you wanted to be a dick, you could say Michenab was wrong and the reason we haven't heard anything else from him is because he's dead. But I don't think so. He was smart. He knew he was out, so he stopped fucking blogging. Let's not give the Construct any reason to come looking for us again by continuing to talk about it.

So yeah, get yourself a well rounded group together and really give the Construct hell. Cause so much trouble and collateral damage that the Construct literally just gives up on you because you aren't worth dealing with anymore. You're ahh... you're probably never gonna pull this one off... ^.^; But hey, worth mentioning.

6) Make Yourself Undesirable
This kind of ties into the last one a bit, but the gist of it is that you make the Construct lose interest in you. Not because you're trouble necessarily, but because you're no fun. Perhaps this means you've become legitimately unafraid and the Construct can no longer feed off your fear or... whatever the hell he does. It's the kind of thing I would potentially tie to a change in perception. (Perception is Key and all that)

Theoretically, I'm largely drawing from what Nightscream told me, here. In response to why Proxies kill the Construct's victims. To paraphrase, the victims Proxies tend to go after with intent to kill are the ones that the Construct no longer shows interest in. How this comes about, he couldn't say, but the end result is that the Proxies come in to clean up the mess left in the Construct's wake. Which is still pretty awesome really. It means that it's possible to legitimately escape the Construct and not be bothered by it anymore. You may still have to deal with a few Proxies coming after you, but lets face it, dealing with another human being is much, MUCH easier a task than dealing with the Construct. Maybe you'll even get lucky and they'll send one of the less competent ones after you. Probably a great opportunity to fake your own death and then "disappear."

7) Kainic Acid Injection
Yup, Jay's old experiment. An injection of neurodegenerative agent, straight into the hippocampus. Kind of a scary thought, especially if you're thinking of performing it on your own and have no medical background but... It Works. It's one of the only proven methods of escaping the Construct we have that has never been rebutted. There are obviously risks. We're talking about significant memory loss and possible brain damage. Jay labeled the treatment as a "Last Resort" for a reason. Not to mention that should you manage to re-expose yourself to the Construct (like, maybe you had Marble Hornets bookmarked on your computer or something) then there is a high potential for relapse. Between Jay's own experiments and everything that happened with Redlight, I'd say that much is indisputable. You can relapse.

But otherwise, it's proven effective. Perhaps just getting the Construct completely out of your head removes the link he has to you. Cuts him off from finding you or trying to mess with your head. I'm speculating on that much... but clearly something severs the connection and you're free. So if you were going to take this method, you'd need to do two things first... One, eliminate all resources, links, symbolic references, everything and anything having to do with the Construct from your environment. You'd probably even want to go so far as to have a new identity prepared for you in advance. Second, consult a professional! You do not want some inexperienced runner jabbing needles into your brain. The risk of brain damage is high enough as it is, the least you can do is have an actual doctor delivering the injection to ensure that there is the least probably likelihood of permanent damage. We are talking about your brain here. Don't take any chances.

And that's pretty much all I've got. That's the best I can offer right now, going off what I know. For speculations sake, honorable mention goes to...
*"Get Up High" - The Rules still apply, generally, for those who truly believe in them. M's still alive after all. But none of this third story bullshit. Get up high means get up fucking high. If the elevator doesn't go above 20, you're in the wrong fucking building.
*Open Water - I still haven't really followed all of the details surrounding the supposed safety of it. But also from The Tutorial was the suggestion that water was a safe place to hide. So basically get yourself a boat and get out on the water. Preferably open water, like... the freaking ocean or something, I would imagine. "James" never really expanded upon that bit very well, so I don't know exactly how it's supposed to work.
*Slender Sanctuaries - These places have been popping up here and there for a while now. They seem capable of offering safety from the Construct, but as we've seen in two recent incidents(Hope and The House, though the latter seems to have recovered I guess) these places are not perfect solutions and can disastrously fail. In fact, I'd wager that the more people these safe houses take on, the more difficult it will be for them to maintain their protective offers. Eventually, if they gain enough popularity, they're going to become overcrowded and unable to handle their population, in addition to painting a bigger and bigger target across themselves. They're worth a shot, but just make sure you find out exactly HOW they're able to offer their protect before blindly seeking them out and getting yourself stuck in a worse situation when "the terrible secret" comes out. I'd have added this to the regular list above, but I've yet to see a successful sanctuary last very long.

So... yeah... honestly hope that might help someone out there. There aren't any perfect solutions out there just yet... but it's only a matter of time, I think.

Jan 2, 2012

New Year, New You

Heh... yeah... as if.
I'd like to think it was that easy. That you could just flip a switch and turn over a new leaf and be a better person. But it's not. That takes real work and real effort. And I'm trying... I swear... I'm trying. And maybe... just "maybe" ...some "other people" are too. But until people can see those changes, it'd kind of hard to take one's word for it. We're actually ALL pretty judgmental like that. So fine. I get it. She's trying. Maybe she'll even succeed. I'll admit, that'd be nice. But I'm just not counting on it, because I haven't seen the results. And that being the case, feel free to think the same of me until I dig myself out of my own little hole. Can't say I'd blame you.

It's kind of funny though... how it all went down. I guess I should have seen it coming, but I didn't for some reason. Emotional outbursts have a tendency to blind the senses I take it. Which is something I should have known... it's something I did know... but I guess I just didn't realize to what extremes it could take. So did I go a little too far with it? Oh yes. Most definitely. Especially so now that I can look at it in retrospect. But do I apologize for what I said? Meh... not really.

And why not? Because I feel better now. Everybody wanted to poke at me and tell me to chill out, but the fact of the matter was that I had already chilled out. See... this is called "venting." Instead of letting all that emotion and stress bottle up inside of you until you explode and/or have a mental fucking breakdown, you let it all out... put it out in the open where everyone can see it and then breath in the relief. It's not stuck pounding away at your mind anymore. You got it out of your system and now you're free of it. Now, you can do this much more easily by just "Talking to a Person" about it, but given I don't have anyone to talk to down here, blogging about it was the most sensible alternative I had available. And why not blog about it? Because that's what blogs exist for in the first place. It's a public journal where you can come and just spill all your thoughts, dreams, and desires onto the internet. One giant emotional vent that you can shout it out to the world through. So I used it... and I don't regret it.

But I'd rather not dwell on it any longer, that just gets us right back where we started and I'll wind up needing to vent AGAIN, so while I'm in a better mood, relatively speaking of course, I thought I'd just clean the slate a bit so I can move on without feeling awkward about jumping right back into speculation posts after that mess... XP

So, the long and short of it, as it perhaps should have been in the first place?
I don't care so much for Elaine. I thought I could just ignore the problem, but I can't. She wanted me dead or else hurting really badly because I accidentally insulted her somehow and she blew it out of proportion. So now I wish the same on her. But I'm not going to go about wasting my time stalking her. There are far more beneficial activities I could be pursuing, so I'm going to follow that route and try to sweep off a bit of the dust I keep accumulating on my image. And... I apologize, to everyone, for blowing it out of proportion. I can offer that much, at least.