Jul 27, 2012

Existance Denied

So I've been sitting here with my head leaned back against this wall for the last several hours now just trying to figure out where I went wrong. What? What the fuck did I do? What did any of use do? To deserve this shit?

I've lived in solitary squander for months, subjected myself to elements I was damned sure humanity had conquered shortly after the invention of roofing and air conditioning, been led to perform unsavory acts I've never wanted to have to do, I've had more blunt head injuries than I can fucking count anymore, been beat up, slapped around, and forced to sit through visions of more blood and gore than Hollywood horror movies have produced over the course of their entire history. And for what? Its fucking amusement? Is it really that simple??

I don't understand it. I've been researching this for months and I just don't understand it. It's not fair. None of it is fucking fair. What the FUCK does it even want?? What?? Are we being punished for something? Is this Nature getting back at us for ruining the planet? Or for just being bad people in general? Is this some divine reckoning for our "sins"? Whatever the fuck that's supposed to mean?? What? WHAT?? Is it because I say "Fuck" too often? Is that it?? That's it isn't it! I let slip an F-bomb one too many times over the course of my life and now I get the tentacles. Is that how this works??

I can remember sitting around thinking when this first started how... how it didn't matter what he wants or why he wants it. All that matters is that you're stalked now, fucking deal with it. But now I'm sitting here and I'm facing down death and every little mistake I've made and stupid thing I've ever done is all flying through my head and I just want to know why. Why me? What did I do? WHY ME?? What's so fucking special about me? What sets me apart? Why am I stalked and that happy smiling loser over there playing games on his iPhone while he waits for the bus is allowed to just live his life Construct free? Explain it to me. Make this easier to accept. Give me SOMETHING.

...but that's the thing isn't it? I'm not special. You're not special. There is no pattern to be discerned here. In a matter of speaking, I just got "lucky". I was just in the right place at the wrong time. Won the fucking Slender-Lottery.

It's just human nature. We gotta explain every damned little thing. Makes us more comfortable, thinking we understand everything. S'why we made up a whole pantheon of Greek Gods just to explain away stuff we were too stupid to understand at the time. And it's really no different now. Why does he do this to us? We don't fucking know. We've made up a bunch of excuses for it, cause that's what we do. Oh, he feeds off our fear! Or, he exists to cause chaos! Or, it's all part of some elaborate "Game" being played out among gods! Are we seeing the Greek gods parallel again yet?

Face it. We don't understand. We've been trying to figure this thing out for decades and no one is any closer to scratching the surface now than they were when we started. Maybe there is no reason. Maybe it just does this shit because it does this shit and that's just what it does. It exists to watch and torment and kill. It has no reason for doing so. It isn't fun. He doesn't need to do it. He isn't power tripping. He just IS.

We're not dealing with some supernatural force of extreme intelligence going about some otherworldly plot to kill off all the world's preppy film majors with masked lunatics. Just because we don't understand something doesn't mean it's smarter than us, it just means we don't understand it. And look... Look at me! Look at all this shit I've been doing to myself! What has it gained me? Nothing! I could have stayed at home, laid out on my couch, and worked it to Sailor Moon. And nothing would have been any different. Tall guy standing in the corner watching my every move and waiting to kill me. Big fucking deal, least I'm comfortable and not recklessly injuring myself. He didn't make me do all this shit. I did it to myself.



....There's no point. There is no fighting it. There is nothing to fight. If it is going to get you. Then it is going to get you. And if it's not? Then it's not. Deal with it.

I'm going home.

Jul 24, 2012

Getting Out

"Don't get your panties in a wad. I'm only doing this one."

That was my reply to Third when he walked in on me writing on my shoulder with a sharpie. He just stood there and glared at me for a while until I had finished.

"It'll have to come off you know..." he finally said, while I was blowing on it to make it dry faster.

"No. It won't." I replied firmly, standing up and pulling on my shirt. "Because fuck you, that's why."

"If you plan on-

"Well I don't plan on jack shit so you can just drop it right there." I think that's the first time I've actually interrupted him. Didn't wait for him to finish talking, didn't give him any warning, didn't throw anything, just butted right in and didn't give a shit. Then I shoved my way past him and back into what presently qualified as 'my room.'

"What do you think you're doing?"

"I'm leaving. You want to help me pack? I'm sure you'll get a kick out of it."

"Then you're rejecting my offer?"

I stopped and looked back at him. "I'm kicking your offer in the face."

That confused him. Good.

"You know I thought you were coming around... What set you back?" He asked as he watched me stuffing junk into my backpack.

"Nothing set me back." I replied, dropping my bag for a moment and walking straight up to him to address him face to face. "In fact, if you want the honest truth, I think you're right. I think I'm a fucking idiot. I think that not a god damned thing I've done, am doing, or will do is ever going to change the life of a single person. Especially not mine. I've been living a delusional fantasy from the start and lying to myself to make everything feel better. Well nothing's really getting any better is it? And I'm tired of moping around over every stupid little thing. I have no control. I never did. And nothing you think you can offer me is going to change that.

"Even assuming you're honest. Even assuming your little injection wouldn't just kill me outright or something. It wouldn't stop the- That Fucking THING. And if you honestly believe that it would, then YOU are the delusional one. I don't know what kind of deal you've really got going up here and I don't know how long it's gonna last, but mark my words you're going to fall just like every other smart-mouthed know-it-all that's come before you. I'm not your little lab rat anymore and I'm not your fucking bloodhound either! You want your fucking book, you find it your damned self! I don't care anymore!"

There was silence for a while and we just stared at each other. He didn't seem particularly upset or angry. I guess he was thinking. Finally he just gave me a "If that's your decision." and walked out the door.

I finished packing and went back out to meet him in the hallways. Seemed there were a few more loose ends to tie up before he'd let me leave. "What will you do now then?" he asked me, almost sounding concerned.

"Does it matter?"

"It does."

"Then I'll try not to die, how's that sound?" I'm making a lot of fancy arm motions as I'm talking during all of this. I wish I could describe it to you better. I dunno... imagine Lewis Black having a seizure. "Not that it'll help any, but hey, points for trying right?"

"I mean more in regards to what you've learned here."

"And what have I learned Third?? That you're a jackass? That I suck at life? What? You act like you've got some big secret operation going on up here, but you know what I see? NOTHING!! This whole little set up of yours is a sham! I'm not going to go around spilling all of your little secrets because you don't have any to begin with!"

A smile. "Maybe that's what I want you to believe."

"And maybe you're full of shit."

"The name then." He points to my shoulder. "Why did you put it back?"

"It's a reminder."

"I thought we-

"Not of a PERSON." I interrupted again, this time angrier than before. "But of an IDEAL. A person may be lost to the fabric of time, but you cannot destroy an idea. A Symbol. This is my reminder to fight it to the last breath, regardless of all the odds stacked against me, regardless of who I am, what I was, or what I'm going to be. I may go, but I'm not going quietly. It's not going to control me anymore. I'm going back out there and I'm going to do whatever the fuck I want. And not you or IT or anyone the fuck else is going to stop me, do you understand?!"

He stared at me a while longer and just sighed. "Very well. Then this will likely be the last you here from me. Farewell."

He took a few steps towards me. We never made contact. It almost seemed like he walked right through me. And then he was gone. And I was back in that fucking parking lot where we first met...

And it was fucking raining. Great. Now all my nice freshly cleaned shit was going to get wet, dirty, or ruined... It's always something.

Well... I guess if you've got time to worry... Then Run.

Jul 20, 2012

Confronting Third

It's really weird to be just sitting around watching television with someone you absolutely hate. Which is even weirder for me because I have this 'defect' or whatever where I can't seem to hold a grudge against anyone for any prolonged length of time. (Like, seriously, some two weeks ago I'd have stabbed WhiteCrow on sight. Today, I barely even care. I might even buy him a drink if he asked nice.) Yet since the moment I met this fucker I have hated him with a passion and it just seems like it's growing and I'm not even sure why anymore. Obviously he's a dick, but I know plenty of those and that doesn't stop me from cooling my jets after a while. So just what have I forgotten that's really crawling up under my skin about this guy?

Well, at the very least, I know why I'm upset with him right now. So lets break the silence already... "I'm not stupid you know."

"Is that so?" He changes the channel, barely even looks at me.

I just scowled at him, "I can piece two and two together, jackass. It was obvious you wanted something from me from the start, it was just a matter of figuring out what. I may not remember you, but I still KNOW you, and even if I didn't, you've made it pretty clear that you don't really want a damn thing to do with me. So why put up with me at all unless you had some ulterior motive? This is all just for show. You never had anything to prove to me, you're just trying to keep me safe and under watch until I remember what you're after."

He mutes the channel, setting the remote down, then crosses his fingers as he lays his hands upon his lap, never once looking at me. "Go on."

I growled at that. I didn't even need to explain, he knew where I was going. But I felt like wasting my breath. "I've kept some things to myself until I could come to grips with them, but I think the picture's pretty clear by now. The way you talked about me in my visions, the things I've seen myself doing in them, the kind of people I have no problems speaking to today... You think I haven't figured it out? You think I don't know??"

There's this smile creeping along his face, but he doesn't say a word, so I just keep talking. "So if I look at it that way... if I make the right comparisons... then it doesn't take much digging does it? I can damn near pinpoint the moment you took interest in me again. Three different people told me it was important and I didn't listen to them, but sure enough it came back to bite me in the ass. It's that damned Book, isn't it?! That whole stupid dream and everything in it was real! And you know I'm the only one who knows where the book is now!"

There's this moment of silence during which his smile reaches its peak and he startings slowly clapping. "Bravo, bravo, you've figured it out." He pushes himself out of his chair and begins walking towards a window. "But only so much, correct? You still don't know what the book is or why it's important, do you?"

My eyes are following him around the room, but I keep my seat. Can't freak out, not yet. "I've got some theories, but no facts. So just spill it. What's the deal with this stupid dream book?"

His tone changed a bit, but I could still tell he was smiling, even if I couldn't see his face. "It's complicated," he explained, "but if you'd like the cliff notes version, it's an ancient compendium of collected knowledge regarding our mutual tall friend. An 'Encyclopedia Slenderia' if you will."

"That's a stupid name."

"Now now, you'll hurt people's feelings saying things like that. Besides, it's not the name of the book that's important, it's what's inside. Knowledge. Vital information that could lead us to the downfall of He That Is. We need only harness it."

"So why didn't we? I found it, I must have brought it back."


After a while, Third glanced back and me, pointing a finger in my direction. "You remember the end of the dream? You said you couldn't use the book after you had obtained it, but you didn't know why. The knowledge was locked away from you somehow."

"I vaguely recall something like this..." Obviously I've looked it up again since this conversation, so... yeah, I said that, but I was kind of scratching my head at the time of question. I don't normally read my own blog. "So what was the deal then?"

"Nothing supernatural, if that's what you were expecting... but simply put, the entirety of the book was written by hand, in German. That's why you couldn't read it. I was at a similar loss, though I suspect Redlight could have deciphered it given enough time... Unfortunately, he had more pressing matters to attend to, this was our puzzle to solve. And that's where your friend [Onewinged] came into the picture. Having been born and initially raised in Germany, he was familiar enough with the language to begin translating it for us. It was a slow process but-

"Whoa whoa, wait. [Onewinged] was German??"

He gave me the oddest look at that. Head tilted, eyebrow raised, the works. "I'm not sure whether I should be attributing that one to memory loss or to you being hopelessly oblivious... his parents were in the military, remember? They traveled for a while on assignment. He was still basically- You've launched me completely off topic. Where the hell was I?"

"Fine, sorry. Something about the book being translated. So then what? Did we find a way to kill the Slender Man?"

His expression pretty much goes back to normal/annoyed now. "Is the Slender Man dead?"


"Well there you go then." And back to smug. Awesome.

"So did we find Anything??" I'm so close to just yelling at him at this point, I'm sick of talking in circles.

"Yes and no. Much of what we translated simply related tales of the monster's exploits over the course of recorded history, but filtered among them were guidelines for dealing with him in various situations. Solutions for evading similar fates and methods of counteraction. You'll be amused to learn how correct M was in regards to certain details... even back then. Still, is wasn't much to go by. Little by little we seemed to be getting close to something substantial, but each time I felt we were on to something, the translations would fall apart. I eventually came to realize that [Onewinged] was intentionally sabotaging his work in order to hide information from me, fearing, I suspect, that it would fall into the hands of Redlight and be used against Runners. I knew the two of you didn't trust me given my allegiances, but this manner of betrayal was truly disheartening. Such a cruel way to treat a friend, is it not?"

"I can't help but feel like you probably deserved it, but... yeah, maybe a dick move. Should I apologize?"

"I wouldn't. You'll just take it back when I tell you that I resolved the matter by stealing the book for myself."

"Yeah... that would do it."

"You can't really blame me, you left me no choice. If [Onewinged] refused to cooperate, then I needed to find someone else to perform the translation. I'd simply wait for Redlight to return to me, then we could locate a more willing accomplice. Unfortunately, you managed to catch me in the act. I believe that's about the point where your little vision posts pick up."

"Right, you were tied up. So I guess that means I took the book back and hid it from you?"


"Then you got loose and wiped my memory... but then you couldn't find the book." Now it was my turn to put on the smug grin. "Well, that certainly worked out for you, now didn't it?"

"A... minor... miscalculation on my part..." He was still smiling but I caught the brief flicker of irritation that swept over his face when I said that. "but to err is human. I never said I was perfect. Regardless, I was able to press on and continue my studies without the aide of the book even after you two left me for dead. The loss merely slowed me down."

"But you could still use the book to further your studies... and when I showed up on the radar again and started spouting some nonsense about a book... well, that caught your interest, now didn't it? Then my memory started coming back and you figured it was only a matter of time before I connected the dots back to it. So now you're just waiting for me to remember where I hid it so I can tell you where it is?"

He nodded, "Correct again."

"Well then you may as well kick me out the door right now. Because even if I did remember where it was, I would never tell you."

He began walking back towards me, "Is that so? I thought you might say something like that. So I'm prepared to offer you a Deal..."

It felt like the air had changed. Just the mention of that word, in that way, and suddenly it felt like I was being smothered by it. "What kind of deal?"

He removed something from his pocket and laid in on a table next to my chair. A syringe, sickly fluids tossing about within it. "A New Deal, Same as the Old Deal." He began circling me as he explained. For once my eyes didn't follow him, they were transfixed on the object in front of me. "What you're looking at is a perfected modification of the original 'Cure' serum. Just one dose and all of this goes away. You climb back out of the rabbit hole with no memory of your experience. The nightmares, the visions, the horrors, all of it gone. The tall man will lose his grip on you completely, you'll be free of him for good. I'll have my contacts relocate you, give you a new life someplace quiet. Maybe even get you a military contract or something to work on robots or whatever... something to keep you busy and entertained. All your previous associations and activities will be covered up. Your blog will be wiped, the works. None of this will have ever happened."

He snapped his fingers, grabbed my attention back to his stupid smiling face leaned down to meet mine. "All you have to do... is get me The Book."

He picked up the syringe once more. I could have taken it then, but I didn't. I let him take it away... I hesitated too long. It was too good an offer. I knew there had to be a catch but then... there didn't have to be at all. He wanted nothing to do with me. This would get me out of his hair permanently and he wouldn't have to get his precious fingers dirty to do it. It was an offer I couldn't refuse and he knew it. He fucking knew it. So I just sat there... dumbfounded. Like an idiot. And watched him exit the room.

"I'll give you some time to think about it."


Jul 18, 2012

No Purpose


That was the sound of me walking in on The Third the other day. He flinched. Good. He's still human.

"That perception filter nonsense you keep talking about. You can just do that where ever you go, right?" I asked as he stared back at with a mix of something between supreme irritation and utter confusion.

"Yes?" he slowly responded, "Why...?"

"Liquor Store." I replied bluntly, stepping further into the room. "NOW."

"Of course. Let me get right on that." he smiled politely and turn back to his work... or whatever he was doing, I didn't really care. I stood there for about half a minute before I slammed my first against something.

"What part of NOW did you not understand?"

"The part where I care." he didn't even look back that time.

"Oh-Kaaaaaaaay! In that case mister smiley pants... How many expense looking things in this room do I have to BREAK before you take me where I want to go??"

I assume that got his attention because he at least turned back to me again, glaring at me with a much more familiar expression. "So we've moved back into the threating me with violence stages, have we? Delightful. Perhaps then you can explain to me just what good going to a liquor store is going to do for you? I pick you up a couple of bottles of fancy ales, the kind you like, not that you remember liking them, but you'd thank me for it later. Lets say I do that. What then?"

"Then I fucking Drink Them, stupid."

"And that serves what purpose?"

"It will make me fucking Feel Better!"

"Listen, since you seem to have a poor memory, allow me to fill in the gaps. Getting drunk will not improve your present situation. In fact, it could only serve to make matters exponentially worse. You don't remember how crazy things used to get when you were like that. If you think some of the sober fits you've thrown were bad, then you don't even know the half of it. And I'm not going to allow you to endanger yourself and others simply because you feel the need to sate your masochistic streak. What are you even upset for in the first place?"

I give him credit for seeming legitimately concerned. Maybe that's why I calmed down a bit. Or maybe I was just tired. "Mark Four. I'm going to run out of Roman Numerals if things keep moving at this rate."

"Pardon?" I started to say something in response, but he held up a hand and stopped me. "Nevermind. You've been reading the blogs again, right? I can take a few guesses then and I'm not particularly impressed by this little outburst if that's the case. Why do you concern yourself so heavily in other people's problems? Especially when half of the people you worry so much over would more likely kill you then take you out for this friendly drink you're after if they met you."

"Somebody has to care... when no one else does."

"But they really don't." He dodged to the left as a- ....actually I'm not sure what I threw at him. Something on a table next to me that was small and felt heavy, I wasn't really paying attention. "....really? We're doing this now? You're so unamusingly childish. Do you think this is a game?"

"Shut up."

"Maybe you weren't paying attention to your own little nightmares, so here's another little refresher. Nothing you have ever said, or done, to me has ever convinced me to be silent. So save your breath. You came in here in a huff and provoked a conversation with me, so now you're going to sit there and listen to what I have to say and you're going to like it."

Forget what I said about having calmed down. I'm surprised he managed to dodge the chair... I thought that one was pretty spot on with that one. I'd have probably tried again, but he threw me out a window. Not literally, exactly... more of his Path shit I guess. I just sort of recognized that I was suddenly on the wrong side of a window and that there was nothing standing underneath me.

There is a particularly fascinating form of fear that grips you when you suddenly realize that you're free falling from gods knows how high up without a parachute. I've never really claimed to have a fear of heights, but I think I just earned one. I'd explain this more but I'd kind of like to stop thinking about it now. Forever. You already know I'm still here to type this, so just know that he grabbed me back somehow, though not until after I'd already fallen several dozen feet.

I hit the floor of a bathtub still screaming. Then the nausea from the Path hit me and I couldn't exactly scream for a couple of seconds. Then the fucking cold water hit me. Fun times.

"Sorry, Reflex." was the first thing I heard that I remember. "If you're still carrying that tape recorder, good time to hand it over." The water started coming down harder. I fished the stupid thing out and tossed it at him. "Good boy~ now then... where were we? Oh right, you were being a stupid, reckless, emotional, cry-baby."

"Hate you- ...so fucking much-"

"It's mutual. Regardless, I'm getting about sick of you acting like you're responsible for caring about the whole damned world. Like you're the only person that understands. When in fact you don't understand a thing. What do you think you're accomplishing? Take that thing off!"

"They'll wash off-

"Let Them."

Furious, I practically tore my shirt off. He caught the wet piece of garbage when I threw it at him and flung it aside.

"Now Look At Yourself."



Dead people's names.

I've been running out of places to put them. Some of them, I don't even know who they belong to. But I'd hear them, see them... in those stupid visions or on someone's blog... and I wrote them down. Told myself I had to remember them. My body is pretty much covered in sharpie marks... has been for some time now... or... it was...

"You run around like you're some sort of heroic figure, like your life is supposed to mean something. You emulate those sages of yours, try to pretend you're making a difference, when you're really only making the same mistakes. You've accomplished absolutely nothing in all this time. You're just another man at the end of his rope trying desperately to make his life mean something. So it will be remembered. But it won't. Because there's nothing special about you. All the caring in the world isn't going to stop these people you 'like' from dying. From suffering the same, if not worse, fate as you. You can't save anyone. You can't even save yourself."

He points at the names on my chest. None of them in particular, just to make sure my attention was on them. "There's no point in remembering them. Because you're determined to die. Try as you like to deny it, you've done nothing but throw yourself at the reaper since this whole mess began, both in the version you know AND in the version you don't. And you won't remember a thing when you're dead. And no one will remember You."

"Wash Them Off."

Jul 16, 2012

Not Your Average Doctor's Visit

"I'd like to a get a blood sample from you."

I wish I had cat ears or something so I could do that little 'perk up' move when I hear something out of the ordinary like that. I just feel like raising my eyebrows and shit just isn't enough, you know? Like, I need additional body parts to display my general confusion and displeasure with this scenario. Because you have got to be fucking kidding me.

But no, I'm standing in the middle of a sterile lab environment being shown this and that because I asked Third about the big locked rooms or whatever, so I'm touring around one and suddenly "Hey, I'd like some of your blood." Because that doesn't sound suspicious or anything.

I remember just staring at him for a little while like he was crazy and him staring back at me like "What?", like I was the weirdo asking for bodily fluids. Finally, I just spit out, "Swan warned me about this kind of shit you know? I mean, what, did you think I haven't noticed the cameras all over this place? You're not using them to keep an eye on yourself, that's for damned sure."

"It's standard security measures, I'm not using them specifically to spy on you." he replied, looking more tired than annoyed by our exchange, "Don't act like you're so important that I'd set all this up just for you. I have much more important matters to worry about. Now then... all I'm asking for is a blood sample. It's completely voluntary. I'm not going to strap you to a table and take it by force." He smiles, "Though I might wait and take one while you're sleeping... depends on whether the mood strikes me."

I'm taking that last bit as sarcasm, but I threw my arms up regardless and just dropped myself into a damned chair. "God, just fucking take it. I don't care."

"Much appreciated." Third practically sung the words as he turned and began gathering supplies from around the room. I watched him prepare for a bit, examining the room a bit further before speaking up again.

"So what's it for?"

He looked a bit confused, "What's what for?"

"The blood sample."

"Oh. Standard procedure really, I want to run some tests and see how heavily contaminated you are. You've kept your distance for a few months, so I'm hoping the infection has subsided a bit. I need to know if I should strengthen the barrier or not. A few of the more extreme cases have caused.... Problems, in the past." He explained while bringing over a small tray of medical tools and setting it down next to me. "Roll up your sleeve will you?"

"...." Minor hesitation, then I complied, shoving my shirt sleeve up over my shoulder and hanging it there. He went to wrap some rubber strap thing around my upper arm when he stopped. I wasn't looking at him. Took one glance long enough to catch his expression. I think that's the first time I've seen a legitimately confused look on his face. Bit of curiosity and surprise, I guess.

"Hm... what's all this then?" he asked, still hovering in place with his little rubber band.


"Hardly seems like nothing." He jabbed my shoulder with a digit, seemingly just to get my attention. "Ahh... that one. Now I get it. Not sure I follow the rest though. What's the significance?"

"It's none of your business, now leave it alone."

"Very well, I'll ask again when you're feeling more cooperative. Hold still now." Without much ceremony, he went back to his work and a few seconds later I'm trying to ignore the fact that there's a fucking needle thing in me. I'd have continued small talk, but I was trying to just maintain normal breathing for a little while until it was over. The words "just one more" and "there we go" couldn't come soon enough. "No, don't bend it, keep your arm straight and hold it on there. It'll bruise if you bend it."

"I didn't realize you cared..." sarcasm

"Eh, habit. Don't take it personal." That I'm pretty sure was not sarcasm though...

So now that he's got his vials of red stuff and I'm watching him go back to dancing around the room fiddling with gizmos and whats-its that I couldn't even begin to tell you what were. Seemed as good a time as any for my next question. "You've got an awful lot of nice things around this place. Pretty expensive I'd imagine. How exactly does someone like you get the money for all of this?"

"Hmm... well, I've had a number of dealings with certain... Individuals... who have been more than willing to pay for my assistance in their little... Projects. Knowledge is quite the valuable commodity in this business and I'm holding a lot of rare cards. Comes in handy when you're in need of cash."


There was a pause. "You're connecting the dots between what I told you earlier and the cure your Proxy 'friends' have been mentioning lately... I won't deny involvement. I've been on Goldstien's payroll before and I did provide him with a wealth of research, but his cure and mine are not quite one and the same. We have something of a difference in opinion in regards to how we operate... I felt it best to cut ties before things went south. Personal interest takes precedence."

"Working for rich bastards and Fears isn't the only way to make money while on the run though." he continued, "I've learned you can make quite the killing with the right investments. You just need to have a little insider information." I remember him tapping the side of his head as he said that. "Any stock owned and operated by Highers within the Proxy structure is sure to increase in value over time. They have a way of keeping their numbers up, if you know what I mean. And in a pinch, you can usually count on options run by the upper ranks of alternative servants. Pharmaceuticals run by those... mad doctors or whatever... Oathbreakers? Yes, that's it. Oh, and almost anything the Wooden Girl has her hands in... She has the most charming way of pulling strings from behind the scenes. Hee, heee~"

"Great... why am I not surprised?"

"Well, it's not that hard to figure out if you think about it." Third replied, "Once you know they have such a massive bureaucracy in place, it doesn't take much to start connecting the dots back to where they're getting their money from. Though if you're really clueless, all it takes is a bit of investigation into general public records. They have a habit of keeping paperwork on Everything after all. The money trail isn't very hard to track if you know what to look for. With all the records they keep, if it weren't for their lawyers and assassins, then their whole operation would have exploded into the public eye ages ago. Isn't that funny?"


"Oh, you're no fun." He starts waving at me in a 'Shoo, shoo' fashion. "Why don't you find something else to entertain yourself with for a while. I'll need some time to concentrate on this. I can answer more of your questions later."

"Right... you just... have fun playing with my blood then." I got up and took my leave. He stopped by sometime later to tell me "He's seen worse" and then just turned and left without bothering to explain what that was supposed to mean at all. Didn't see him for the rest of the day.

Jul 14, 2012


"Do you trust me?"

I stared at Third's outstretched hand. Then up at his face. Then back down at his hand. Then to his face again. "No."

He just sort of frowned and stood there and waited. And waited. And waited. Until finally I took his damned hand, because fuck it. I immediately regretted this decision, as no sooner had I taken his hand were we no longer in the parking lot... only we were in the parking lot... only we weren't in the parking lot. This does not make a lick of sense does it? But I don't think it's supposed to, so lets just roll with it.

The best way to describe it I guess, from what I remember, is that there was this flash of black... which is a weird color for things to flash... then everything just sort of turned monochrome. Or monotone? Whatever, that word I'm trying to mean for black, white, and gray. Lots and lots of shades of gray. And there were suddenly trees where there hadn't been trees before. And their leaves were a suspicious shade of Not Green. I remember getting out a "Son of a bitch" right before a wave of nausea hit me and I felt myself being yanked in a direction I didn't know existed and then everything was normal again only we were in a completely different location...

...and I was on the floor having a coughing fit and puking my guts out. I don't remember actually hearing Third talking at the time, but it's on the tape recorder around this point so, "Wow... really? I thought given your history you'd have had no issues with traversing The Path. If I'd known you were going to react this poorly I'd have dropped us off in the restroom." Later, "At least we aren't on the carpet..."

Since this is kind of an awkward point and I'm just going to skip ahead to the point where I recovered anyways, I just wanted to point this bit out... From what I remember of the experience, we couldn't have been on The Path for more than a couple of seconds. A minute at longest. But when I get to this part in the playback, there's this loud static 'noise' followed by dead air for something along the lines of three and a half hours before the audio comes back in with another burst of noise right before the sound of my coughing fit kicks in. That... kind of bothers me. But maybe that's just how that place works? I dunno... trying not to think about it. My stomach gets upset at me just thinking about it.

Sometime after "I'll clean it up later" and Third handing over the tape recorder that he'd apparently had in his pocket this whole time, I was being given a lackluster tour of our present location. Third is basically occupying the entire upper floor of... I'm still not really sure what. I guess some sort of office building? I haven't been "allowed" to go downstairs, so I don't know. I'm basically being "confined" to this top floor until Third is satisfied that I believe him or something.

See, what he's basically telling me, because I'm not typing the fucking ten minute monologue he hammered out to me about this shit, is that this location is essentially "off the radar" as far as... pretty much Anything is concerned. It's one of his so called "Safe-Zones" that he's erected as a base of operations. Essentially, the location is under a localized perception filter that blocks it from the tall man's vision, and presumably from everyone else's as well. Same basic tech as employed by Eden Facilities from what I gather(there was some insinuation that may even be where he got the tech from, but he wasn't exactly clear on that).

Now, this doesn't mean the Construct can't get inside the place. It's just really unlikely that he'd show up here, given that he doesn't know the place is here and all. According to Third, this is basically as safe as things can get in terms of Anti-Fear security. "It's also the same type of protection field that kept you safe back in that hotel room I was keeping you in last month. I have locations of this nature set up all over the world, so I've always got a backup to retreat to in the event something ever goes wrong. I haven't had to fall back on that fail-safe just yet, but I feel it's best to be prepared for anything."

Shortly after the tour, he informed me that he still had other matters to attend to and that he's appreciate me staying put while he managed his affairs. From there I was left in this room with the couch and the tv, among other things... which I'd have complained about but, again, air conditioning. He also didn't lock me in the room... which surprised me. Though I did find a few other locked locations while I was wandering around in his absence at some point when I got bored. Planned to ask him about that later when he showed back up. But this is long enough as it is, so I'll continue this business later, kay? Hopefully things will continue to go along smoothly for a while...

Jul 13, 2012

Meeting the Third

"You're late."

That was the line of dialogue that greeted me upon my arrival at the location Third had designated for our meeting place, the parking lot behind some old factory in the middle of nowhere. I think it was technically a loading dock area or something but... whatever, it was a big empty space to stand around in.

"You give shitty directions." I shot back, but all I got in response was a shrug. I stared at the plain clothed individual before me, somewhat disappointed that he wasn't standing around in some ridiculously elaborate garb. He just looked so 'normal'. If I hadn't already known what his face looked like, I'd have probably never guessed it was him. "You know, the way things normally go, I was kind of expecting for you to just pop out of the shadows while I was exploring this place and stab me to death. What gives?"

"Well, I've got a fairly large pocket knife on me. I can have you chase me around a few dimly lit corridors, if that's what you really want." His expression was pretty dull, like he didn't care in the least for any of this... or he was bored.

"I'll pass, thanks." I shook my head, still looking my old 'friend' over. He could have at least worn a mask or something. My romantic illusion of proxies are in tatters over here. "So what's this all about then? Now that you've dragged me all the way out here?"

Another shrug. "What? I can't just want to catch up with an old friend? Shoot the breeze for old time's sake?"

"Judging by what I've seen? No. No you can't."

He sighed, frowning at me for a moment, but any sign of irritation quickly faded. "Not going to make this easy are you? Fine. But I'm telling the truth, I just came out here to talk. I suspected that once you remembered me, you'd eventually start asking questions and trying to track me down. And honestly I've got enough people stalking me as it is, so I'd appreciate one less dog on my tail... or should I say one less Mouse in this instance?"

"Fuck your entire self."

And now he's smiling. There's an expression I fucking recognize. "Such a charmer you are... So, to business? I have places to be you know."

"Yeah? Like where? Am I making you late for your big date with the tall man?"

"Hardly." And the grin gets wider. "But I'll take that remark as a thinly veiled attempt at getting in your first real question. And the answer is 'No'. I'm not a Proxy."

"Tch, what so you're a Runner now?"

"Of all people, I expected You to paint less of a black and white picture of the world... No, I'm not a Runner either. Nor am I necessarily neutral. My allegiances are with myself, just as His were. My enemy is the same as yours, though perhaps it extends beyond that... The Construct, as you've chosen to call it, is not the only duck in the pond after all."

And now I'm just confused... and looking for Strings. "If you're actively acting against it, then how are you not a Runner?"

"Simple. He can't see me." He says as if it's the most natural and obvious thing in the world.


"It's as I explained to you back then. Purge the infection and you're off the radar. It took some time... longer than it should have, thanks to your 'friend', but I eventually found the correct dosage... My Benefactor assisted me in my goals... given they were his own goals, at the time... So it was a simple enough process. He provided what I needed and I did the work in his absence... leaving him to focus on other details of his ever branching plans."

That sounded like my cue. "So you're telling me you really are Redlight?"

I distinctly remember the pause here. It was brief, but it was one of the only times during our discussion he looked genuinely irritated. It was only there for a moment, then the smile and his little 'I'm better than you' facade slipped right back into place... but it was there.

"I was a vessel." he continued, "For a time. For Redlight. Yes. But I was no more him, than he was me. He allowed me to see though his eyes... to remember it all, as most never would... so that I could serve him in furthering his interests. Though contrary to my previous claims, I was by no means 'Special'. Though I never met others, I see no reason to assume that I was the only one he treated in this manner. He was crafty like that... always one step ahead of Their game. He had to be... to stay alive as long as he had... to gain all that he had gained. Those like myself were insurance policies. To ensure his machinations survived. To carry out his will, even in death."

"So you're his successor... is that what you're saying?"

"I suppose that's one way of putting it. Yes. Though the choices I've made and the goals I have set since we were... Disconnected... are my own, I still follow his designs. Much of my knowledge was once his after all. Though I by no means hold his full memory. Merely the bits and pieces of it which I experienced firsthand while I was riding shotgun in my own body."

"So then what are you planning now?"

"None of your business."

"Oh come on! I thought you were being straight with me?"

"I am. But I fail to see where my future plans pertain to you. I have little use for you to be honest. And the fewer people who are aware of the full extent of my plans, the better. All you need to know is that I'm ahead of The Game. And that given the chance, I can... and will... end it. That is my Purpose."

"Oh bullshit. Now you're talking like friggin 'A' over there. Why should I believe any of this garbage you're spouting?"

And just when I thought his expression couldn't get any more smug... "Look around you." He lifts his arms, waving about this way and that, directing my attention to our surroundings. "What do you see?" He gives that some time to sink in. I'm looking around, half expecting something to jump out at me, but there's just nothing out there. Place is deserted save for us. "We're completely out in the open. Where is He? Think about it... when's the last time you saw Him? For the last several weeks, you've been more vulnerable than you ever have before and yet not only has He not attempted to take you... but you haven't even seen Him. Why is that?"

I had to throw my hands up at that one. I couldn't really answer it. "Fuck, I don't know. Maybe I'm just lucky like that? Maybe he was busy dealing with all the forest fires? I'm sure those are pissing him off."

Wider and wider that grin. "Hardly... You haven't seen Him because I've been shielding you from him."

"That's... not possible."

"Really? After everything you've seen, everything you've read, you would still question the realms of possibility in this world? Very well then. Shall I prove it to you?" He holds out his hand.

And then I proceeded to lose my lunch... but more on that later. As that just reminded me that I'm hungry and that there is actually a fridge with fresh food in this place.

Jul 12, 2012

Chilling with The Third?

I'm not supposed to tell you where I am right now...

So this is the part where I'm going to tell you where I am right now. Or rather, I would, if I had the slightest clue where I actually am right now. I mean, I've got a pretty vague idea, but... geographically speaking, I'm kind of at a loss. Best I can narrow it down to is "in a city" and "probably in the US" but like I can tell at this altitude. That's hint number two I guess. I wouldn't call this a skyscraper, but we're in a room at the top of a building that's pretty high up. Guess for all this bullshit to the contrary somebody has been prescribing to the M Doctrine just as much as I do.

Now you're probably wondering how I don't know where exactly this is... and if you're not, then you've just automatically jumped to the conclusion that fuckhead over there jumped me in an ally, knocked me out and dragged me here. But no, not quite the case. I was pretty conscious on the way here. The manner of travel was just a little... "different" from what I'm used to.

Context... right, let me just get right on that... tomorrow... maybe.

Because I'm going to be perfectly honest with you. As soon as my brain realized I was in a room with air conditioning, I stopped giving a damn about anything ever. So I'm just going to go sit down on Third's couch and watch cartoons and explain shit to you people later. He gave me a tape recorder shortly after we met because he knew my memory was shit and I'd be trying to write everything down for the blog so... He's being REALLY HELPFUL... Not really "friendly" but definitely helpful... and almost nice. So I basically do not trust him at all right now. But like hell if I'm not going to take advantage of his "hospitality" while he's offering it. Especially since I don't expect it to last.

Jul 9, 2012


Right... so, where do we start?

I guess for the ones that haven't figured it out yet,
1 - Onewinged
2 - The Gargoyle
3 - The Third
You can also assume the voices that I didn't identify with a number were probably me too. As no fourth option has presented itself in anything I've seen to suggest otherwise.

Secondly... what I've posted is not even the half of what I've been seeing lately. Some of it... some of it I'd just rather not talk about. You... you don't need to know. It doesn't add anything new to the table it's just-- yeah. Not going there. I've posted what I felt seemed... relevant.

So... I'm trying not to jump to too many conclusions here but... I don't really see a whole lot of alternative explanations, so...

Rule Number One, right?

Everyone lies. Even the people you trust the most.

I've been trying to piece together a timeline or something but... there's just not enough detail. Everything gets fuzzy. All I can deduce for certain is that Onewinged, The Third, and myself were clearly involved in this mess for much longer than I thought. Magic Number Three flipped his shit and wiped my memory, leading to... basically a blank that I can't describe. Onewinged must have filled in the gaps with whatever excuses he could think up and I just rolled with it... Maybe this is why I stopped drinking? ...among other things?

I never realized until I started actually trying to do so just how lacking my memory of recent years is. I mean... knowledge seems to still be intact, but... personal memory and the like is just shot full of holes. And even now that this stuff has started coming back, I can only really confirm one instance of a Construct encounter and that- ...Nevermind.

I still don't really know how it started... I'm not sure if I ever will. And I'm not sure I want to know. Some things are best lost to the ether, I think.

But this other guy... I've got no memory of him outside of these visions. Like he's been wiped clean. I've been identifying him as "The Third" because that's the best descriptive term I have for him at the moment. No real name for him has ever come up. I'm not sure of our relationship outside of "a friend", at quite possibly the loosest sense of the word.

But I think I finally get it now... all the 3's in Onewinged's typing. Code, right? More like a big obvious hint I was too stupid to see. There were three of us from the start. There were always three of us. So I get it now. I understand. So then...


What the fuck do you want?

Jul 5, 2012

End of the Beginning...

We're in the car... Onewinged and I... his car... my seat is leaned back for some reason... can't see over the dash... don't know why... I never rode like that normally... He's not saying anything, can barely see his face in the dark. Weird... He never liked driving around at night.

"Hey" my voice...

He looks at me, briefly. "Hey. You awake?"

"Think so... ... ... ... the fuck am I?"

1 - "You're in my car. I'm taking you back home."

2 - "Oh... ... ... ... is everything blurry for a reason or did I wake up in the twilight zone?"

1 - a laugh... "Little bit of both probably."

2 - "Wonderful... do elaborate."

1 - "...couldn't give you the details. But seems you got knocked up on something. You remember anything? Anything at all?"

2 - "I remember plenty of things. For instance... you're a shitty driver... so you should pull over and let my clearly drunken ass drive before you run us off a bridge or something."

1 - "Yeah, I'll do that right now." ...the car doesn't stop...

2 - "Soooo.... I'm guessing there was a party or something.... and I got absolutely wasted... again... and you're so embarrassed that you're not gonna tell me what happened for like a month or something?"

1 - "...yeah. Yeah, lets go with that."

2 - "This didn't involve that thing with the yoyo and the pineapple again did it?"

1 - "Christ. NO."

2 - "Oh good. That one was kind of awkward before... lets not talk about that again."

1 - "We wouldn't if you didn't keep bringing it up."

2 - "Sooooorrrry~"


2 - "Hey bro...?"

1 - "Yeah?"

2 - "There's like... blood all over you, you know?"


1 - ".....it's not mine."

Jul 2, 2012


Onewinged is there... appears restrained... the scene seems to wobble... back and forth... a haze... but otherwise transfixed forward...

that man is here... he's standing up now... he has something in his hand...

3 - "You should have listened you know." turning back... dancing around the room... like he's having the time of his life... "This would have been SO much easier. On the both of you. Willing subjects are so much easier... so much easier... much less restraints, far fewer cuts and bruises..."

syringe... fucking needles... it's glinting in the light...

3 - "You never listen though... Never, never... too caught up in those blogs of yours. Flights of fancy with your precious runner 'friends.' You've never even spoken to a one of them have you? How do you know they're even real?"

1 - "If they weren't real you wouldn't be acting like this... and you wouldn't have gone after the acid..."

3 - "Hu~mmm. Yes. Yes I suppose you're right. But still not completely right. You should have listened to me more... instead of Them. Your Hermit and your Sages aren't going to get you out of this... but I can. That's what I'm here for. To save my precious little friends from the big bad suit. Hee, heee~"

1 - "You've completely lost your mind haven't you? Is there anything left in there that he hasn't taken from you? Should I just start calling you 'Redlight' now?"

something flies across the room... onewinged flinches at it...

3 - "Don't you EVER Call Me That!!" rage... brief... but intense... "I'm more than some meat puppet for him to dance around in! I was Chosen! I will rise above all of this as a new man! You'll see... You'll See!"

in front of me now... can't see anything else...

3 - "You should feel lucky... you're not nearly as infected as the rest of us... hardly a worthy test subject." needle... needle... needle... needle... "Perhaps in time... But this is much better... This is Poetic... what better to experiment on than a Rat? It's too bad I couldn't find more... I wonder what the reaction would be to a purer concentrate? An overdose of pure substance? But alas, there wasn't enough of a dose for all of us... I've had to dilute the solution... but perhaps that will be enough. Perhaps this is the key to the proper dosage? Just enough to cleanse the infection, without rotting the brain."

1 - "Don't you dare! You know the side-effects! You could kill him!"

3 - "Good." that grin again... "All the better then. This is all his fault after all. He's the one who dragged us into this. He Made Me this Way. Neither of them would have found me otherwise. I wasn't involved. HE inFECTED US! He's one of Them. One of their filthy little Tools. But I don't despise him... noooo~ He's given me so much mooore~ Haa ha ha haaa~! I've become something greater now... and soon... soooon~ so much mooore~"

1 - "@#$%" can't hear... the laughing is too loud... there's some other noise... the needle comes closer...

3 - "Time to Wake up Dearest~"

For the record...

If I'd known that warm-ish winter we had was going to lead in to this season of fire and brimstone then maybe I'd have complained about it more. Fucking shit. People on the streets around here complaining about not having air conditioning do to power outages or some shit.... I LIVE OUTSIDE, YOU ASS!

Suck it up for christ sake... I'm sitting here wanting to follow Caden's example just to eliminate the constant threat of passing out and dying from heat exhaustion. After all that other shit, I'm just gonna feel completely fucking embarrassed if that's how I die. All this time fighting a monster and my true greatest enemy is The Sun.

Ugh... whatever... let me write this other stupid thing out before I forget it again or my laptop fucking MELTS...