Jan 2, 2012

New Year, New You

Heh... yeah... as if.
I'd like to think it was that easy. That you could just flip a switch and turn over a new leaf and be a better person. But it's not. That takes real work and real effort. And I'm trying... I swear... I'm trying. And maybe... just "maybe" ...some "other people" are too. But until people can see those changes, it'd kind of hard to take one's word for it. We're actually ALL pretty judgmental like that. So fine. I get it. She's trying. Maybe she'll even succeed. I'll admit, that'd be nice. But I'm just not counting on it, because I haven't seen the results. And that being the case, feel free to think the same of me until I dig myself out of my own little hole. Can't say I'd blame you.

It's kind of funny though... how it all went down. I guess I should have seen it coming, but I didn't for some reason. Emotional outbursts have a tendency to blind the senses I take it. Which is something I should have known... it's something I did know... but I guess I just didn't realize to what extremes it could take. So did I go a little too far with it? Oh yes. Most definitely. Especially so now that I can look at it in retrospect. But do I apologize for what I said? Meh... not really.

And why not? Because I feel better now. Everybody wanted to poke at me and tell me to chill out, but the fact of the matter was that I had already chilled out. See... this is called "venting." Instead of letting all that emotion and stress bottle up inside of you until you explode and/or have a mental fucking breakdown, you let it all out... put it out in the open where everyone can see it and then breath in the relief. It's not stuck pounding away at your mind anymore. You got it out of your system and now you're free of it. Now, you can do this much more easily by just "Talking to a Person" about it, but given I don't have anyone to talk to down here, blogging about it was the most sensible alternative I had available. And why not blog about it? Because that's what blogs exist for in the first place. It's a public journal where you can come and just spill all your thoughts, dreams, and desires onto the internet. One giant emotional vent that you can shout it out to the world through. So I used it... and I don't regret it.

But I'd rather not dwell on it any longer, that just gets us right back where we started and I'll wind up needing to vent AGAIN, so while I'm in a better mood, relatively speaking of course, I thought I'd just clean the slate a bit so I can move on without feeling awkward about jumping right back into speculation posts after that mess... XP

So, the long and short of it, as it perhaps should have been in the first place?
I don't care so much for Elaine. I thought I could just ignore the problem, but I can't. She wanted me dead or else hurting really badly because I accidentally insulted her somehow and she blew it out of proportion. So now I wish the same on her. But I'm not going to go about wasting my time stalking her. There are far more beneficial activities I could be pursuing, so I'm going to follow that route and try to sweep off a bit of the dust I keep accumulating on my image. And... I apologize, to everyone, for blowing it out of proportion. I can offer that much, at least.


  1. Gargoyle, I'm willing to give you the benefit of the doubt and look past your unfortunate choice of wording...for now. I'll admit that I may have overreacted somewhat (I'm very touchy about using terms related to mental disability as insults) and that I am probably a bit too trusting and optimistic about other people sometimes but that's only because I see how I used to be and see how I am now and that makes me believe that people can change, so I don't like seeing people get written off so easily. I hope we can bury the proverbial hatchet.

  2. You're right. There isn't really any mental switch that can change a person's personality overnight... but, that being said... some people (myself included) do need some sort of REASON to try to change (keyword being "try"). It's sorta like grabbing hold of a lamppost to swing around it and change direction. Sometimes a "switch" like that is needed to kick-start the eventually turn-around. And New Years is as good a reason as any to try it... or, at least, that's what I'm telling myself. I take it you didn't make any resolutions for yourself?

    As for Elaine... eh, who knows? Maybe your rants will work the magic of reverse-psychology to encourage her in that twisted mentality we ALL get and she'll make sure to prove you wrong no matter what. That's sort of a form of support, no? Heh.

    @Aloneamongthewreck: Making an ass out of myself comes kinda naturally, I'm afraid. I'm sorry for assuming you were the same person. Really, I'm kinda laughing now. Cause it's my sorta my luck. Hell, I even double-checked the two usernames to make sure they fed to the same account before commenting. Never crossed my mind someone else would inherit a username. I am sorry for that. But, really, if Elaine or anyone else changes who they are or what they do... the only one to blame is themselves. Not the people who "pushed them" to it. After all, we're all still just usernames on a screen.

  3. Don't worry about it, Mitch, I was expecting to meet someone that Marcus had wronged at some point. I see where you're coming from with the comment about people changing, but think about it this way; if a child learns something, it's their achievement, they learned it themselves, but that doesn't mean the people who gave them the information and taught them how to use it didn't play a role in shaping this change in their mind.

  4. @Benjamin - Well, I've given the benefit of a doubt to less savory people than you, so... easy enough for me to return the favor. Can't say I'll stop using that word because I have a hard time watching my tongue, but I'll try to keep it in mind.

    I still think you should be watching your back right now, but I'm not going to question your intentions. Your heart's in the right place and all that, so who am I to judge? Just be careful... and good luck.

    @Mitch - Never really did the whole "resolutions" thing. So no, I guess I haven't... not sure what I'd resolve to do if I did make one. "Be less of a dick" comes to mind, but I just feel like I'll never quite manage that one. I dunno... I'll think about it.

  5. I don't see why we waste our energy attacking each other. The real enemy is Slenderman, and we should focus on defeating him.

  6. @North - And I agree with you... but it's really hard to ignore when there are people "on your own side" that are trying to kill you because you disagree with them. That kind of causes problems with the whole group dynamic structure. -.-;

    But then I guess that's also part of the problem. We're like the Occupy Wallstreet Movement... we're all gathered together under a united cause, but no one can seem to agree on what that cause is. Aaaand there's no one really leading the crowd to make that decision for us, soooo... yeah... We're kind of this powerful human resource that's just going to waste because we can't figure out what to do with ourselves. It's sad really.

  7. It's all just guerilla warfare at this point, North. That was established a long time ago.

    We're just fighting in the trenches.

  8. @Dia: Are there gorillas in those trenches? If so, I need a bayonet.

    @Gargoyle: Small tip. The best way to START to change is to take responsibility for your own actions. The truly better man is humble, and does not try to make himself SOUND like the better man. Just something to consider.

  9. I was so tired this morning, it was.. well, embarrassing. And yes, there are gorillas in the trenches, just because I said so!


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