New Year, New You

Heh... yeah... as if.
I'd like to think it was that easy. That you could just flip a switch and turn over a new leaf and be a better person. But it's not. That takes real work and real effort. And I'm trying... I swear... I'm trying. And maybe... just "maybe" ...some "other people" are too. But until people can see those changes, it'd kind of hard to take one's word for it. We're actually ALL pretty judgmental like that. So fine. I get it. She's trying. Maybe she'll even succeed. I'll admit, that'd be nice. But I'm just not counting on it, because I haven't seen the results. And that being the case, feel free to think the same of me until I dig myself out of my own little hole. Can't say I'd blame you.

It's kind of funny though... how it all went down. I guess I should have seen it coming, but I didn't for some reason. Emotional outbursts have a tendency to blind the senses I take it. Which is something I should have known... it's something I did know... but I guess I just didn't realize to what extremes it could take. So did I go a little too far with it? Oh yes. Most definitely. Especially so now that I can look at it in retrospect. But do I apologize for what I said? Meh... not really.

And why not? Because I feel better now. Everybody wanted to poke at me and tell me to chill out, but the fact of the matter was that I had already chilled out. See... this is called "venting." Instead of letting all that emotion and stress bottle up inside of you until you explode and/or have a mental fucking breakdown, you let it all out... put it out in the open where everyone can see it and then breath in the relief. It's not stuck pounding away at your mind anymore. You got it out of your system and now you're free of it. Now, you can do this much more easily by just "Talking to a Person" about it, but given I don't have anyone to talk to down here, blogging about it was the most sensible alternative I had available. And why not blog about it? Because that's what blogs exist for in the first place. It's a public journal where you can come and just spill all your thoughts, dreams, and desires onto the internet. One giant emotional vent that you can shout it out to the world through. So I used it... and I don't regret it.

But I'd rather not dwell on it any longer, that just gets us right back where we started and I'll wind up needing to vent AGAIN, so while I'm in a better mood, relatively speaking of course, I thought I'd just clean the slate a bit so I can move on without feeling awkward about jumping right back into speculation posts after that mess... XP

So, the long and short of it, as it perhaps should have been in the first place?
I don't care so much for Elaine. I thought I could just ignore the problem, but I can't. She wanted me dead or else hurting really badly because I accidentally insulted her somehow and she blew it out of proportion. So now I wish the same on her. But I'm not going to go about wasting my time stalking her. There are far more beneficial activities I could be pursuing, so I'm going to follow that route and try to sweep off a bit of the dust I keep accumulating on my image. And... I apologize, to everyone, for blowing it out of proportion. I can offer that much, at least.