In which I tRY to Explainnn

Forward Edit:  This has been typed up at... various "intervals" throughout the last few days. Some inconsistancies or repeats may occur because I keep having to come back and remind myself where I was because I keep getting inturrupted by visions of people fucking dying and shit that is making it really fucking hard to sit at this fuCKing computER saflkjfucKINgstOPitmakeitgoAWAY

Edit 2: This gets kind of long and I can't be bothered to edit it because I'm barely keeping sane enough to write it up as it is. Just kind of deal with it as best you can and everything should get explained along the way. I apologize for any sudden outbursts. I could not bring myself to change anything after I wrote it. Just    just fuck this. I'm done writing thsiI'mposting itasitisfuckitfuckitfuckitfuckitAARRRGH




I don't remember how long it's been.... I. I've been here for a while now, right? I mean... I see the date the date the date the date the date but it's like it doesn't mean anything to me anymore. It's like there's this weight all over everything and I just don't give a shit anymore. I just sit here in this fucking hotel room and time goes by and I don't do ANYTHING and I don't even care. I just don't even care. I don't even care.

but it's been a while, right? Longer than I should have been out of it... I meant to post the next day or something but then it all just ahppened so fast I couldn't   This needs some sort of context. I... I went out that night. That night after... whatever my last post was. My last.... sane.... post. Because I know I've been posting some kind of bullshit aboutREADNOTEHUGTOMbecause I'm out of my fucking mind or something and I'm not even surprised by it cbeause... fcuk.

I said I had one last experiment I needed to try before I did the things and so I went out in the middle of the night do to it andstupidStuipdSTUPIDSTIPIDNOnoNoNONOOgETAWAY FROM TEH FUCKING TREE YOU IDIOT NOOOOOOOO



I went out to this place in the city, bunch of backalleys and fences and lightpoles and shit. Just empty open space basically. Someplace I figured I'd be alone. That "we'd" be alone. In the middle of the night... because yeah, that's a real smart, safe idea, huh? Go meet it in the middle of fuck all nowhere in the middle of the night in a place with no people around, that's not asking for trouble at all!

Only that's the point I guess.... I was asking for trouble. That was the point. Because I thought I had to know. I had to experience it for myself else I'd never truly be able to understand. So I went out there with the sole intention of getting myself fucked up. To see if I could handle it. Because I needed to know. I needed to know how it felt. How he felt...

I so went out there and I waited. And I waited. And I waited. And then there he was. Standing under a lamppost, like he'd been there all along and I just hadn't noticed him. Just there, standing, watching, like always. And he looked at me and I looked back and I threw out my arms to the side and said "Go ahead. Hit me with your best shot."

sO HE DIDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDfa snmv


I've been having this shit happeneing since then it never stopes it neverstops it wontfuckingstop whhydoenst it sTOpIacntNOnotAgAIN ivEalradyseenThisoneiDoNTNEED TOGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH


In Doctor Who... there was this episode, with this guy, and he thought he was the Doctor because he got zapped by this gizmo that had all of this information about the Doctor in it and it was so much that his mind just couln't take it, so it retreated into his subconsious and all that was left was the Doctor. Called it a "fluge" or soething. The mind just runs away.

Well, I think that's what mine did.

All of a sudden, there was just all of this information. Butnot like just data... like, actual visions. Like first-person perspective type shit. I let my guard drop for a moment and it all just started filling my head faster than I could process it. Horrible, terrible things... it's like... it's like... I think what I'm watching is like... every gruesome death and despicable thing that the Construct has ever been responsible for... and I was seeing it from his perspective... from his "eyes"... in every last gory detail. And it all just kept coming.

All at once. All of it at once. ALL OF IT! EVERY LAST THING! IT'S LIKE I WAS FUCKINGTHEREAND WITNESSINGITALLFIRSTHAND JUSTONE GRISLYMURDERAFTERTHENEXTFORETERNITY IT NEVER ENDS ITWONTSTOP ICANTTAKETHIS ANYMOREEEEASKLFJDIDDDJVXM//////////


God I don't want to look at this computerscrEN anymore please make me stopwriting I don't careIdon'twant to so ths anymore If I stay away from the screen they go away for awhiile I jusT wantthemtoGO aWAYfucignsdlk


In that moment, I was paralyzed. I couldn't do anything. I was in shock. It was all coming too fast and I couldn't begin to process the horrors my eyes were witnessing. And then it hit me... it flashed by as quickly as all the rest and yet... it stood out. I mean... I've been able to piece some of them together over time. I recognize the details... just enough to know that I'm seeing someone I should know. A blogger we all know... someone who's died... and I see how it ended for them and- donttalkaboutthis don'ttalkaboutthist don'ttalk about this don't-

And then I saw it. I saw what he did to him...
I saw Onewinged die.

And there was this... brief moment of clarity... and I could still see it all flashing in front of me... but for that moment, none of it mattered... and I just Fucking SNAPPED.

I've heard of people charging head long at the Construct before... it never ends well... didn't stop me. I guess if I'd been in the right state of mind, I might have been surprised at how little he reacted to it. He just stodd there and didn't do a damn thing as I ran up to him screaming bloody murder. Just leapt straight at him as soon as I got close... struck my feet against his "legs", grabbed him by the "suit", and climbed right up him like a fucking tree. Til I was level with his head.... no... no... till I was ABOVE his head... staring down at HIM. Because fuck your bullshit. Just because you stand above me does not make you superior to me. All my life I've put up with this shit. The lousy egotistical punk that thinks he can push everyone around just because he's bigger and taller than the rest of them. Looking down on everyone like you're better than us. Well you're not better than us. You Are NOTHING. WHO'S LOOKING DOWN ON WHO NOW ASSHOLE?!?!?


So suddenly I'm on top of Mount Slender and staring him down and he's just staring back at me like... "what?" And I'm holding onto him by his collar and.... it's... it's not really a collar... it's... it's not really a suit. I... I don't know what the fuck it is... Almost like leather but... not.  Just really smooth and firm and very

My right arm reeled back and then I swung forward as hard as I could. I punched the faceless son of a bitch as hard as I could... and I learned something interesting. The Slender Man's head is basically about as hard as a fucking rock. And twice as smooth...

I... I think I broke my fucking hand. And I didn't care. I reeled back to take another swing at him in spite of the pain... but I guess he decided one shot was all I got... because that's when he finally grabbed me. I don't know with what... arms... tentacles... whatever... I couldn't quite move anymore, so what did it matter? But I struggled and I flailed and I shouted and I fought... and more and more and more of them would grab at me... and slap me across the face and tear at my clothing and... I've seen this hentai before I think... there. I beat you all to it. fcuk off.

all if really remember after that was that he was in my face. Just big bright white nothing in my face. and I kept trying to push it awaypushitawaypushitawaybuticouldn't he was tooSTrong and I kepthearingvOICes saying NO ESCAPE and I screamed and all I could think was --fuck it, reverse tactics.

I stopped pushing away. I pulled forward. And I headbutted it as hard as I could.

I think... I think if you remember a few paragraphsago....thatthatwasabadidea...



eVerything bgame a hazy blur after that..... all I reelly remamber is hitting the ground... and staring up at him as he loomed overhead...theneverythingwntdark...andit was just me...a ndtheseFUCKINGnightMAREs....

Ive been in this hotel room ever since... don't know how i got here... don't know why roomserveice never comes... don't know how the fridge is always stocked...itjust is and ijust deal with it... because I can't trust myeslf to leave... because the moment I start to thinkimgettingbetter.... They all start flooding back.