3 - "Most of them can't remember it, you know?" same place as before... but Onewinged's not here... he doesn't move around a lot... i think he's tied to the chair... "Most of them go about their lives never even realizing he was there. But me? I remember... I remember it all. That makes me special. I'm one of his favorites, don't you see?"
"Tch, you're a pawn like all the rest."
3 - "Well, you would know, wouldn't you?"
"Stuff it"
3 - "I think you're just jealous. Jealous because I'm better than you. Because I was chosen for a higher purpose. You're just another scrap of meat at the bottom of the pile, waiting to be thrown to the dogs."
"I said Shut Up."
3 - "At the end of the day, you and I both know that I'm our only ticket out of this. I'm the only one with a plan. The only one that stands a chance in the grand scheme of things. Without me you'd be nothing. You'd be dead already. Your little 'friend' too. You're lucky I still have a use for you."
the angle changes again... there's a gun pointed at the man... he's still smiling...
"I've had enough of your bullshit!"
3 - "What's this? Have a struck a nerve? Is the little Mouse trying to frighten the Cat?"
"Stop acting like you're better than us you sick freak!"
3 - "Now now deary, that would require me to have started acting in the first place. The truth is that I've always been better than you. This latest matter merely confirms it." smug... always so smug...
1 - "What the hell are you Doing?!?" another shift... Onewinged is here... "Are you crazy?! Put that thing away!"
"No! Fuck this! I've had enough! We're not dealing with this bastard anymore!"
1 - "Damnit, you know he's delusional, stop letting him get inside your head!"
3 - "Yes, that's right, you know I'm delusional. Stop making it so Easy~" sugar-coated venom...
"I will fucking kill you right now."
1 - "If you pull that trigger I swear to god I will never forgive you. Do not stand there and let yourself be lowered to his level!"
the gun is shaking...
3 - "Noooo~ don't listen to hiiiim~ Do iiiiiit~! You knoooow you want to~! Be a man! Kill me!!"
1 - "***!!" ...he yelled my name...
...the gun is lowered...
3 - "Heh... I knew you didn't have the ba-" he was cut off... by what appeared to be my foot colliding with his face... knocking him and his chair over onto the ground...
"We're leaving."
Onewinged looks upset... the room begins to move towards a door... all I can hear is laughing...
Jun 28, 2012
Jun 25, 2012
Faded
Onewinged is here... he's leaned against a wall or something... there's another man sitting... across from me? Angle keeps shifting... don't recognize him... talking...
3 - "But that's the beauty of it, don't you see?" there's this smirk on his face, like he's proud about something... like he's smarter than the rest of us... "It doesn't just wipe your memory, that's just a unpleasant side-effect. The acid counteracts the infection, it nullifies His hold on you, breaks it. The chain's been severed, like you never had contact. Complete Freedom."
1 - "I've read the same blogs you have, it's not that simple." his expression... can't tell if he's angry or just really skeptical... "It leaves you stupid and vulnerable because you don't know what's going on anymore. By the time you recover, it's too late, he's already got you again."
3 - "They weren't careful enough.... they kept blogging, kept digging, trying to get their memories back." smug... smug... smug... look on his... "Went down the wrong path and straight back into His arms. Didn't have a chance that way. If they'd just left it well enough alone, let the past lie, like so many childhood memories lost, and they'd have been fine. Without seeking the truth in Him, He'd have never found them again."
1 - "So you say... but you can't prove it."
3 - "On the contrary, I've seen it all play out quite a few times now. The bastard keeps watch on his test subjects you see and I get to go along for the ride from time to time, as you well know by now." familiar... familiar... familiar... who the fuck is
1 - "You'll excuse me if I don't take your word for it. Anything he's shown you could just be another one of his tricks. He plays games with lives. How could you trust anything that man-"
3 - "Because he's on our siiiiiide~!" interruption... pissed... Onewinged is definitely pissed... "Think about what we're dealing with for a moment. He can't very well just act against him outright. Luckily for us he's so clever... he's got it all figured out you see. He uses what power our mutual 'friend' provides him to serve while subtly acting in defiance. How many runners has he let get away when he had them right where he wanted them? You really think it'd have been so easy to rescue them if he'd been working against us? Hmm hm hmm... and of course, that's why he makes The Deal. He needs willing subjects for the experiment. Willing souls are so much easier to work with, you know? It allows him to further his goals while still giving the appearance of following orders. The true nature of his plans will all be revealed in time. They're too far reaching to be stopped."
"Bullshit"
....I think that was me....
3 - "Oh? So you doubt me then? You've got all the answers do you?" that look... "I suppose you would think that, wouldn't you? I'm just a lowly vessel after all, I'm not really in the service of He That Is." that stupid... smug...
1 - "That's Enough! We've already been over this!"
3 - "Have we?" shit eating grin... "I must have forgotten... I'm not always here you know."
1 - "Please, just- I'm trying to trust you, but you're not making this easy for any of us."
3 - "Yet you trust that one without question?" nodded at me?
"Watch It" a growl... the angle shifts again... higher than before...
1 - "Stop! Just stop!"
a calm...
1 - "We're not doing the acid."
3 - "It's the only way."
1 - "We'll find Another Way."
3 - "Like what? The only weapon we ever had was The Heel and I destroyed- Kkhhkk!!" some kind of cough... he looks angry at himself for a moment... then he recovers... "HE destroyed it. There wasn't any choice of course... He wasn't ready to act yet. But soon... soon... that's why we have to find the right dosage. If we can get the delivery right then it will help him to-"
1 - "We're not helping that bastard. We're only associating with him at all because we're trying to save you."
3 - "......who said I wanted to be saved?"
3 - "But that's the beauty of it, don't you see?" there's this smirk on his face, like he's proud about something... like he's smarter than the rest of us... "It doesn't just wipe your memory, that's just a unpleasant side-effect. The acid counteracts the infection, it nullifies His hold on you, breaks it. The chain's been severed, like you never had contact. Complete Freedom."
1 - "I've read the same blogs you have, it's not that simple." his expression... can't tell if he's angry or just really skeptical... "It leaves you stupid and vulnerable because you don't know what's going on anymore. By the time you recover, it's too late, he's already got you again."
3 - "They weren't careful enough.... they kept blogging, kept digging, trying to get their memories back." smug... smug... smug... look on his... "Went down the wrong path and straight back into His arms. Didn't have a chance that way. If they'd just left it well enough alone, let the past lie, like so many childhood memories lost, and they'd have been fine. Without seeking the truth in Him, He'd have never found them again."
1 - "So you say... but you can't prove it."
3 - "On the contrary, I've seen it all play out quite a few times now. The bastard keeps watch on his test subjects you see and I get to go along for the ride from time to time, as you well know by now." familiar... familiar... familiar... who the fuck is
1 - "You'll excuse me if I don't take your word for it. Anything he's shown you could just be another one of his tricks. He plays games with lives. How could you trust anything that man-"
3 - "Because he's on our siiiiiide~!" interruption... pissed... Onewinged is definitely pissed... "Think about what we're dealing with for a moment. He can't very well just act against him outright. Luckily for us he's so clever... he's got it all figured out you see. He uses what power our mutual 'friend' provides him to serve while subtly acting in defiance. How many runners has he let get away when he had them right where he wanted them? You really think it'd have been so easy to rescue them if he'd been working against us? Hmm hm hmm... and of course, that's why he makes The Deal. He needs willing subjects for the experiment. Willing souls are so much easier to work with, you know? It allows him to further his goals while still giving the appearance of following orders. The true nature of his plans will all be revealed in time. They're too far reaching to be stopped."
"Bullshit"
....I think that was me....
3 - "Oh? So you doubt me then? You've got all the answers do you?" that look... "I suppose you would think that, wouldn't you? I'm just a lowly vessel after all, I'm not really in the service of He That Is." that stupid... smug...
1 - "That's Enough! We've already been over this!"
3 - "Have we?" shit eating grin... "I must have forgotten... I'm not always here you know."
1 - "Please, just- I'm trying to trust you, but you're not making this easy for any of us."
3 - "Yet you trust that one without question?" nodded at me?
"Watch It" a growl... the angle shifts again... higher than before...
1 - "Stop! Just stop!"
a calm...
1 - "We're not doing the acid."
3 - "It's the only way."
1 - "We'll find Another Way."
3 - "Like what? The only weapon we ever had was The Heel and I destroyed- Kkhhkk!!" some kind of cough... he looks angry at himself for a moment... then he recovers... "HE destroyed it. There wasn't any choice of course... He wasn't ready to act yet. But soon... soon... that's why we have to find the right dosage. If we can get the delivery right then it will help him to-"
1 - "We're not helping that bastard. We're only associating with him at all because we're trying to save you."
3 - "......who said I wanted to be saved?"
Jun 22, 2012
Readily Apparent
A human stalker... god fucking damnit, if that's not just what I needed now.
I don't know if this guy can hide himself like he was with my blog posts, but I'm not going around with the jammer running 24/7 trying to scope him out of a crowd. Or out of the corner of my eye, or what the fuck ever. I don't have the batteries for that shit. But Fine. Whatever. It's not like I wasn't already watching my back and feeling like there were "eyes" watching me everywhere I go to begin with, so I guess this isn't really anything new. Just feels that way I guess.
I think it's because with the Construct I at least know what I'm looking for...
Paranoia is a bitch.
Ugh.
It's keeping me focused though. Giving me more time to really sort of think(or perhaps forcing me to). And at least one thing is really starting to stand out... I've been trying for so long to blot out whatever dreams and visions suddenly invade my head that I think I've been missing some things. Something important. Like... I don't know if it's something he was trying to show me... or if it's something that him being in my head just kind of... knocked loose. But I'm starting to see some things that are very definitely not from the tall man's perspective. It... wouldn't make sense if it was.
I mean, it's still first-person but... there's no deaths... no real insinuation of the Construct's presence... just... just what I assume is me and... people I know? Like, Onewinged is there and shit... so it's like... I don't know. I can't see the tall guy just sitting around chilling with a couple guys listening to them talk amongst themselves and everybody being cool about the fact that there's a humanoid abomination standing right next to them. So I'm pretty sure these are MY memories and not the Construct's, but...
It doesn't fit. It just doesn't fit.
Because I'm remembering us talking about the gods damned Construct and all of this other shit and it's just... I know that didn't happen. I didn't get involved till the bunker... and Onewinged never brought any of this stuff up with me before then, and certainly not in person, so...
and who the FUCK is this other guy I keep seeing that's always with us? I've never seen him before in my life. So where the fuck did this third person come
Third.
fucking- threes... always the fucking threes...
Are yOUtelliNgmE??!
Guh... okay... okay... no, stop... I've got this... next time this shit starts coming on, I'm just gonna keep my laptop open on standby or something, and I'm going to type this shit out as it comes, make sense of it all later. Maybe... maybe then I'll know what I'm dealing with here.
I don't know if this guy can hide himself like he was with my blog posts, but I'm not going around with the jammer running 24/7 trying to scope him out of a crowd. Or out of the corner of my eye, or what the fuck ever. I don't have the batteries for that shit. But Fine. Whatever. It's not like I wasn't already watching my back and feeling like there were "eyes" watching me everywhere I go to begin with, so I guess this isn't really anything new. Just feels that way I guess.
I think it's because with the Construct I at least know what I'm looking for...
Paranoia is a bitch.
Ugh.
It's keeping me focused though. Giving me more time to really sort of think(or perhaps forcing me to). And at least one thing is really starting to stand out... I've been trying for so long to blot out whatever dreams and visions suddenly invade my head that I think I've been missing some things. Something important. Like... I don't know if it's something he was trying to show me... or if it's something that him being in my head just kind of... knocked loose. But I'm starting to see some things that are very definitely not from the tall man's perspective. It... wouldn't make sense if it was.
I mean, it's still first-person but... there's no deaths... no real insinuation of the Construct's presence... just... just what I assume is me and... people I know? Like, Onewinged is there and shit... so it's like... I don't know. I can't see the tall guy just sitting around chilling with a couple guys listening to them talk amongst themselves and everybody being cool about the fact that there's a humanoid abomination standing right next to them. So I'm pretty sure these are MY memories and not the Construct's, but...
It doesn't fit. It just doesn't fit.
Because I'm remembering us talking about the gods damned Construct and all of this other shit and it's just... I know that didn't happen. I didn't get involved till the bunker... and Onewinged never brought any of this stuff up with me before then, and certainly not in person, so...
and who the FUCK is this other guy I keep seeing that's always with us? I've never seen him before in my life. So where the fuck did this third person come
Third.
fucking- threes... always the fucking threes...
Are yOUtelliNgmE??!
Guh... okay... okay... no, stop... I've got this... next time this shit starts coming on, I'm just gonna keep my laptop open on standby or something, and I'm going to type this shit out as it comes, make sense of it all later. Maybe... maybe then I'll know what I'm dealing with here.
Jun 18, 2012
In This Moment of Clarity
Rage is a hell of an emotion. Frustration and anger are one thing... but the overwhelming desire to just break the ever-loving SHIT out of everything around you with absolutely no regards for anything else is... somewhat therapeutic. It just kind of pushes everything else out of your mind for a little while. Clears the head. Because the only thing you're thinking of is laying your fists against the nearest object you can find and then doing it again... and again... and again. Luckily in this instance that object was not people... or eldritch horrors. So my knuckles are bleeding and there's a couple dented trash cans lying about in an alley somewhere and someone is probably wanting to question me about what the hell happened to that stop sign, but otherwise everything is hunky-dory over here.
Check it, I'm even typing pretty coherently.
Ignoring that I had to start this over a few times because my hands were still shaking anyways... but that stopped.
So, lets start with "I've been reading up on things." And "things" are just fucking depressing. And a couple of "things" have pissed me off. But I'll get to that later. WhiteCrow decided I was an important person to pay attention to all of a sudden and dropped a link early this morning to one of the last few posts on my blog. I'm sure YOU have all seen it before now. I only just now noticed it about two hours ago. And only after I slapped my little wavelength jamming gizmo to my forehead. Then I also saw Mr Anonymous's comment on my last post too(and Swan's replies attached to it). Between the two... I may have had a bit of a fit for a little while. As described above.
So lets get a few things straight here. Apart from a few vague almost hallucinatory recollections, I do not recall being assisted by anyone back in the hotel. Might explain how I got there... among other things... but I don't remember anyone ever specifically being there. There is no one with me now. There has not been anyone with me since I left the hotel. No one has been "helping me out" as it were, with ANYTHING as of late. So at the very least, there is no one hanging off my shoulder being all buddy buddy with me that I need to do a double take and start worrying about now.
Now, I'd already just "accepted" that someone was following me, because I picked that much up from Cassidy's reply Saturday. Didn't know how long it had been going on or how the fuck she knew about it but... Proxy, so I just took her word for it. It's either real or a scare tactic. Safer to assume the former. Still, I haven't noticed anyone tailing me. Maybe they were as invisible as their posts... either literally or perceptively. At least now I feel a little more aware of what I need to look out for... and have another excuse to keep my wits about me... Maybe the threat of another stalker will help me focus a bit more towards getting my head on right. I'm so used to the other threat I barely even consider it a threat anymore... just an inevitability.
Sigh... picking up from there I guess...
People have died. I'm aware. In fact... in a weird way... I was there. That's the even more irritating thing at this point. The visions haven't really stopped... just slowed down. He's still showing me things... as they happen now, it seems... even though he's nowhere around me. It's like I've got a front row seat to every terrible thing that happens these days. Does wonders for the psyche... -.-;
but I'm not here to complain about it... I just wanted to say I was there... so maybe that means they weren't really alone? I- ...I don't know. But I'm sorry. I'm sorry for all of your losses. And in a weird way, I feel your pain. So I just wanted to say that I'm sorry. It's not much, but it's the best I can do.
And Weaver I don't know what to tell you. I'm sure there's more to be gleamed from what I've been seeing so far but, up to this point my focus has been on shutting these things out, not memorizing them. I'm sure there's some details and insight that could be gained from this kind of shit, but I haven't really been in the condition to sort those things out. I will say however, that if I focus on any one memory/vision/whatever, then I can make more out of it. I experience them as though I'm fucking there... At this point, I just need enough of a description to jumpstart the vision. An identifier... sometimes just a name...
Great. That set off another headache. Good job Gargoyle. You're a credit to your health.
Though before I forget, while we're on this fucking topic... thanks for the link earlier WhiteCrow, but fair fucking warning. You're on the top of my shit list right now and I KNOW WHAT YOU FUCKING LOOK LIKE. So just something to think about maybe? Pray I get worse before I get better...
So what else is happening then.... do we have any runner's left to be listening to me today? Seems like the only people I know anymore who are still alive are proxies... that just doesn't feel like a good sign. Maybe people are just laying a little lower these days. Or they're dead and new Messenger is too lazy to find out about them... and old Messenger was too fucked up to... I'll hold out for them being alive though. You Proxies seem to keep pretty detailed paperwork on that kind of shit for... Some... Reason... so I assume we'd have heard about it if you got someone I could name.
North... Shade needs something to do. Tell him to teach you some of that self defense stuff he seems to know... so you can subdue him next time he throws a bitch fit. Sound like a reasonable idea?
Shade... Stop throwing bitch fits. Also Fre- ....Caged is still alive. And full Proxy now. There, someone to direct anger towards. Have fun.
Caged... I was happy to see you were still alive. Now I'm not sure anymore. I guess I'm just kind of disappointed. Sorry if I just sic'd Shade on you, I assume if he was going to come after you he'd have done it anyways eventually. How's Philip? XP
Morningstar... I was going to say that I'd give the babies back because I hate children, but then I realized that the sound of a dozen wailing infants would probably drown out the sound of the bulldozer and there's just something strangely appealing about the notion of a "Stealth Bulldozer" but then I would still have to listen to screaming children and I don't think I'd ever be in the mood to put up with that, so we're going to have to take that one back to the drawing board. But give me like two mechanical engineers and I think we could work that out... I have no idea what I'd actually do with it though. But it's a fascinating idea. As for the dynamite... well... there are a LOT of politicians I never liked... but we're probably past the point of really needing to worry about that so... as practical uses go I'd probably need more time to think about that too. Let me get back to you on this one.
Oh... and I'm glad you friends aren't dead. And before anyone complains at me... I realize Gleeman and Crouching Tiger and the rest being alive means they go right back to killing people, and that sucks, but lets face it, if they hadn't survived then somebody else would still be killing those same people in their place. So lets just be happy for the Not Dead People for once how about it? Can that be a thing please?
Cassidy... If I had a better option than taking a bus, then I guess I'd go for it. But I don't have the money for a plane. And walking was/is a non-option. I'd considerstealingaquiring a car, but I don't trust myself to drive at the moment given my line of sight could at any second become suddenly obscured by "vision of man being ripped apart" type bullshit. That's kind of distracting.
Caden... Can't blame you...
Fakelight... You're still a dick
Joseph... How's the new job working out? I notice your kinda sorta 'rival' is still being a jackass... I still don't know if I'm supposed to like him or not. Are we supposed to like him?
Moriarty....? I'm not looking up how to spell that. Goldstien or whatever! Am I supposed to like you? What the fuck man? Seriously...
Aura... Keep laying low or whatever... I want to see what Overseer's next fuse blowing looks like.
Overseer.... Daaaaaaaaw~ <3
You know.... I spent a lot of time pondering over wild and crazy ideas about how I or some rag-tag team of raggamuffins or whatever could break into your compound and rescue her... and after all that work, you let her just walk out the door by herself without the slightest of commotions. I don't know whether to give Aura like, some kind of pen-ultimate badass award or to just laugh reeeeeeeeeeally hard at you.
But do give us an update or something. You being quiet frightens me. Stop that.
"R3D"... I fucking dislike you already. Why the fuck are you following me?
There are probably a lot more people I should be talking things at but I can't think very straight right now, so I guess that means the rage-high is wearing off and I need to start packing up. I'll check in on the rest later... or something.
Check it, I'm even typing pretty coherently.
Ignoring that I had to start this over a few times because my hands were still shaking anyways... but that stopped.
So, lets start with "I've been reading up on things." And "things" are just fucking depressing. And a couple of "things" have pissed me off. But I'll get to that later. WhiteCrow decided I was an important person to pay attention to all of a sudden and dropped a link early this morning to one of the last few posts on my blog. I'm sure YOU have all seen it before now. I only just now noticed it about two hours ago. And only after I slapped my little wavelength jamming gizmo to my forehead. Then I also saw Mr Anonymous's comment on my last post too(and Swan's replies attached to it). Between the two... I may have had a bit of a fit for a little while. As described above.
So lets get a few things straight here. Apart from a few vague almost hallucinatory recollections, I do not recall being assisted by anyone back in the hotel. Might explain how I got there... among other things... but I don't remember anyone ever specifically being there. There is no one with me now. There has not been anyone with me since I left the hotel. No one has been "helping me out" as it were, with ANYTHING as of late. So at the very least, there is no one hanging off my shoulder being all buddy buddy with me that I need to do a double take and start worrying about now.
Now, I'd already just "accepted" that someone was following me, because I picked that much up from Cassidy's reply Saturday. Didn't know how long it had been going on or how the fuck she knew about it but... Proxy, so I just took her word for it. It's either real or a scare tactic. Safer to assume the former. Still, I haven't noticed anyone tailing me. Maybe they were as invisible as their posts... either literally or perceptively. At least now I feel a little more aware of what I need to look out for... and have another excuse to keep my wits about me... Maybe the threat of another stalker will help me focus a bit more towards getting my head on right. I'm so used to the other threat I barely even consider it a threat anymore... just an inevitability.
Sigh... picking up from there I guess...
People have died. I'm aware. In fact... in a weird way... I was there. That's the even more irritating thing at this point. The visions haven't really stopped... just slowed down. He's still showing me things... as they happen now, it seems... even though he's nowhere around me. It's like I've got a front row seat to every terrible thing that happens these days. Does wonders for the psyche... -.-;
but I'm not here to complain about it... I just wanted to say I was there... so maybe that means they weren't really alone? I- ...I don't know. But I'm sorry. I'm sorry for all of your losses. And in a weird way, I feel your pain. So I just wanted to say that I'm sorry. It's not much, but it's the best I can do.
And Weaver I don't know what to tell you. I'm sure there's more to be gleamed from what I've been seeing so far but, up to this point my focus has been on shutting these things out, not memorizing them. I'm sure there's some details and insight that could be gained from this kind of shit, but I haven't really been in the condition to sort those things out. I will say however, that if I focus on any one memory/vision/whatever, then I can make more out of it. I experience them as though I'm fucking there... At this point, I just need enough of a description to jumpstart the vision. An identifier... sometimes just a name...
Great. That set off another headache. Good job Gargoyle. You're a credit to your health.
Though before I forget, while we're on this fucking topic... thanks for the link earlier WhiteCrow, but fair fucking warning. You're on the top of my shit list right now and I KNOW WHAT YOU FUCKING LOOK LIKE. So just something to think about maybe? Pray I get worse before I get better...
So what else is happening then.... do we have any runner's left to be listening to me today? Seems like the only people I know anymore who are still alive are proxies... that just doesn't feel like a good sign. Maybe people are just laying a little lower these days. Or they're dead and new Messenger is too lazy to find out about them... and old Messenger was too fucked up to... I'll hold out for them being alive though. You Proxies seem to keep pretty detailed paperwork on that kind of shit for... Some... Reason... so I assume we'd have heard about it if you got someone I could name.
North... Shade needs something to do. Tell him to teach you some of that self defense stuff he seems to know... so you can subdue him next time he throws a bitch fit. Sound like a reasonable idea?
Shade... Stop throwing bitch fits. Also Fre- ....Caged is still alive. And full Proxy now. There, someone to direct anger towards. Have fun.
Caged... I was happy to see you were still alive. Now I'm not sure anymore. I guess I'm just kind of disappointed. Sorry if I just sic'd Shade on you, I assume if he was going to come after you he'd have done it anyways eventually. How's Philip? XP
Morningstar... I was going to say that I'd give the babies back because I hate children, but then I realized that the sound of a dozen wailing infants would probably drown out the sound of the bulldozer and there's just something strangely appealing about the notion of a "Stealth Bulldozer" but then I would still have to listen to screaming children and I don't think I'd ever be in the mood to put up with that, so we're going to have to take that one back to the drawing board. But give me like two mechanical engineers and I think we could work that out... I have no idea what I'd actually do with it though. But it's a fascinating idea. As for the dynamite... well... there are a LOT of politicians I never liked... but we're probably past the point of really needing to worry about that so... as practical uses go I'd probably need more time to think about that too. Let me get back to you on this one.
Oh... and I'm glad you friends aren't dead. And before anyone complains at me... I realize Gleeman and Crouching Tiger and the rest being alive means they go right back to killing people, and that sucks, but lets face it, if they hadn't survived then somebody else would still be killing those same people in their place. So lets just be happy for the Not Dead People for once how about it? Can that be a thing please?
Cassidy... If I had a better option than taking a bus, then I guess I'd go for it. But I don't have the money for a plane. And walking was/is a non-option. I'd consider
Caden... Can't blame you...
Fakelight... You're still a dick
Joseph... How's the new job working out? I notice your kinda sorta 'rival' is still being a jackass... I still don't know if I'm supposed to like him or not. Are we supposed to like him?
Moriarty....? I'm not looking up how to spell that. Goldstien or whatever! Am I supposed to like you? What the fuck man? Seriously...
Aura... Keep laying low or whatever... I want to see what Overseer's next fuse blowing looks like.
Overseer.... Daaaaaaaaw~ <3
You know.... I spent a lot of time pondering over wild and crazy ideas about how I or some rag-tag team of raggamuffins or whatever could break into your compound and rescue her... and after all that work, you let her just walk out the door by herself without the slightest of commotions. I don't know whether to give Aura like, some kind of pen-ultimate badass award or to just laugh reeeeeeeeeeally hard at you.
But do give us an update or something. You being quiet frightens me. Stop that.
"R3D"... I fucking dislike you already. Why the fuck are you following me?
There are probably a lot more people I should be talking things at but I can't think very straight right now, so I guess that means the rage-high is wearing off and I need to start packing up. I'll check in on the rest later... or something.
Jun 15, 2012
Follow-up
Right... so I've got a couple questions that need addressing. Was going to wait on this shit, but I missed my fucking bus so I wound up with time on my hands to finally get around to looking up on what I've missed out on since I've been out of it.... fucking embarrassing shit.... bad enough I keep having to backspace so often over fucktons of typos and gibberish and random flipouts to make this look presentable and like I'm not off my fucking rocker.... now I have to tell people I'm handicapped so they'll make sure I actually make it onto the next fucking bus because I can't even manage that much on my own....
HJate. Everything.
So whatever, trying to archive binge... there's only a MONTSH WORTH of fucking entires and comments and fuckit iam nIOt fixing iall of thes fuck ups jsut roll with it i don't care ai don't caer isd ifdsl asuetl'ua' lsigu 'ldighaieru'yosg
This may take a while, okay?
But there's at least one important seeming question on myu mind right now so I want to make a point of asking it before I forget and/or spaz out again. I noticed in said twice in the comments of that post I made last week. The first time I thought it was just "Joseph" being odd because he was confused how I was alive and well join the fucking club but I assumed it was just random. But then Cassidy chimed in and she had a lot more to say about it and once I snapped out of confused as fuck mode and stopped wondering if she was high or something, I am left to ask the question...
Who or what the FUCK is "R3D"?
Because I'm at least bright enough to figure out you're not referring to the title of that crazy post of mine. And I'm not stupid enough to brush it off as crazy talk and ignore it. I know what universe I'm in damnit. I'm not blind. I can Read. And I know a bad sign when I see one. So somebody fucking talk to me!
HJate. Everything.
So whatever, trying to archive binge... there's only a MONTSH WORTH of fucking entires and comments and fuckit iam nIOt fixing iall of thes fuck ups jsut roll with it i don't care ai don't caer isd ifdsl asuetl'ua' lsigu 'ldighaieru'yosg
This may take a while, okay?
But there's at least one important seeming question on myu mind right now so I want to make a point of asking it before I forget and/or spaz out again. I noticed in said twice in the comments of that post I made last week. The first time I thought it was just "Joseph" being odd because he was confused how I was alive and well join the fucking club but I assumed it was just random. But then Cassidy chimed in and she had a lot more to say about it and once I snapped out of confused as fuck mode and stopped wondering if she was high or something, I am left to ask the question...
Who or what the FUCK is "R3D"?
Because I'm at least bright enough to figure out you're not referring to the title of that crazy post of mine. And I'm not stupid enough to brush it off as crazy talk and ignore it. I know what universe I'm in damnit. I'm not blind. I can Read. And I know a bad sign when I see one. So somebody fucking talk to me!
Jun 14, 2012
Outside
I left the hotel a few days ago... Things have been sort of... "leveling out" since then...
I'm uhh... ha... I'm not okay. Ha, ha. Nooooo.... far from it... fuck.
Uhf... but I think I'm getting... better? Is that even a qualifier for this? I don't know. I'm recovering... sort of. Everything feels normal at least. Well... by comparison I mean. The air is normal... I see people again. Stuff like that. Still getting visions and crazy headaches but... they aren't as bad as they were. I'd say I'm getting used to them but... I'm not. I'm really not. Sudden first-person flashbacks to violent deaths you were never actually there to see is kind of a thing that refuses to be ignored. I just... I swear I just freeze up whenever it happens. Which normally isn't too big a deal... unless I do it in the middle of a street... so I've actually been trying to get out of the city so I can stay away from the endless crosswalks for a while.
Hnnn... keyword "trying"... I seem to keep walking in circles. Not constantly... and not as part of a loop or anything... I just sorta... drift off from time to time and forget where I was going. Which... I'm imagining is not a good sign, by any means.
I made it to a bus station though.... soon as I remember how to read a fucking map I'm getting out of here for a bit... See if I can remember what exactly would be considered "country" nowadays... God, my head will not stop spinning... I swear... I swear I've not gone retarded...shut up Benjamin... I just... I can't fucking remember things... it's coming back... because I mean... it never left, it just
okay, yeah, I... I don't want to think back to that night too much. The more I dwell on it the more it starts to hurt and the visions start up something fierce and- ohfuckingdamnit I was sitting over there when I started writing this, when did I get over he-ARGH...
Okay, see? See what I'm dealing with here? I don't even know what I'm doing anymore. Where the fuck was I even? My brain. My brain is fucked. Too much data at once and everything just went "screw you guys, I'm going home" and it was just me and the mindfuck, having a big mindfuck party. Now I'm just dealing with the fucking hangover until the rest of my memory and whatever else I'm missing comes back... god I hope it all comes back...
....of course, that's... that's not all that's coming back, is it? Shit.
I'm uhh... ha... I'm not okay. Ha, ha. Nooooo.... far from it... fuck.
Uhf... but I think I'm getting... better? Is that even a qualifier for this? I don't know. I'm recovering... sort of. Everything feels normal at least. Well... by comparison I mean. The air is normal... I see people again. Stuff like that. Still getting visions and crazy headaches but... they aren't as bad as they were. I'd say I'm getting used to them but... I'm not. I'm really not. Sudden first-person flashbacks to violent deaths you were never actually there to see is kind of a thing that refuses to be ignored. I just... I swear I just freeze up whenever it happens. Which normally isn't too big a deal... unless I do it in the middle of a street... so I've actually been trying to get out of the city so I can stay away from the endless crosswalks for a while.
Hnnn... keyword "trying"... I seem to keep walking in circles. Not constantly... and not as part of a loop or anything... I just sorta... drift off from time to time and forget where I was going. Which... I'm imagining is not a good sign, by any means.
I made it to a bus station though.... soon as I remember how to read a fucking map I'm getting out of here for a bit... See if I can remember what exactly would be considered "country" nowadays... God, my head will not stop spinning... I swear... I swear I've not gone retarded...
okay, yeah, I... I don't want to think back to that night too much. The more I dwell on it the more it starts to hurt and the visions start up something fierce and- ohfuckingdamnit I was sitting over there when I started writing this, when did I get over he-ARGH...
Okay, see? See what I'm dealing with here? I don't even know what I'm doing anymore. Where the fuck was I even? My brain. My brain is fucked. Too much data at once and everything just went "screw you guys, I'm going home" and it was just me and the mindfuck, having a big mindfuck party. Now I'm just dealing with the fucking hangover until the rest of my memory and whatever else I'm missing comes back... god I hope it all comes back...
....of course, that's... that's not all that's coming back, is it? Shit.
Jun 8, 2012
In which I tRY to Explainnn
Edit 2: This gets kind of long and I can't be bothered to edit it because I'm barely keeping sane enough to write it up as it is. Just kind of deal with it as best you can and everything should get explained along the way. I apologize for any sudden outbursts. I could not bring myself to change anything after I wrote it. Just just fuck this. I'm done writing thsiI'mposting itasitisfuckitfuckitfuckitfuckitAARRRGH
I don't remember how long it's been.... I. I've been here for a while now, right? I mean... I see the date the date the date the date the date but it's like it doesn't mean anything to me anymore. It's like there's this weight all over everything and I just don't give a shit anymore. I just sit here in this fucking hotel room and time goes by and I don't do ANYTHING and I don't even care. I just don't even care. I don't even care.
but it's been a while, right? Longer than I should have been out of it... I meant to post the next day or something but then it all just ahppened so fast I couldn't This needs some sort of context. I... I went out that night. That night after... whatever my last post was. My last.... sane.... post. Because I know I've been posting some kind of bullshit aboutREADNOTEHUGTOMbecause I'm out of my fucking mind or something and I'm not even surprised by it cbeause... fcuk.
I said I had one last experiment I needed to try before I did the things and so I went out in the middle of the night do to it andstupidStuipdSTUPIDSTIPIDNOnoNoNONOOgETAWAY FROM TEH FUCKING TREE YOU IDIOT NOOOOOOOO
I went out to this place in the city, bunch of backalleys and fences and lightpoles and shit. Just empty open space basically. Someplace I figured I'd be alone. That "we'd" be alone. In the middle of the night... because yeah, that's a real smart, safe idea, huh? Go meet it in the middle of fuck all nowhere in the middle of the night in a place with no people around, that's not asking for trouble at all!
Only that's the point I guess.... I was asking for trouble. That was the point. Because I thought I had to know. I had to experience it for myself else I'd never truly be able to understand. So I went out there with the sole intention of getting myself fucked up. To see if I could handle it. Because I needed to know. I needed to know how it felt. How he felt...
I so went out there and I waited. And I waited. And I waited. And then there he was. Standing under a lamppost, like he'd been there all along and I just hadn't noticed him. Just there, standing, watching, like always. And he looked at me and I looked back and I threw out my arms to the side and said "Go ahead. Hit me with your best shot."
sO HE DIDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDfa snmv
I've been having this shit happeneing since then it never stopes it neverstops it wontfuckingstop whhydoenst it sTOpIacntNOnotAgAIN ivEalradyseenThisoneiDoNTNEED TOGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
In Doctor Who... there was this episode, with this guy, and he thought he was the Doctor because he got zapped by this gizmo that had all of this information about the Doctor in it and it was so much that his mind just couln't take it, so it retreated into his subconsious and all that was left was the Doctor. Called it a "fluge" or soething. The mind just runs away.
Well, I think that's what mine did.
All of a sudden, there was just all of this information. Butnot like just data... like, actual visions. Like first-person perspective type shit. I let my guard drop for a moment and it all just started filling my head faster than I could process it. Horrible, terrible things... it's like... it's like... I think what I'm watching is like... every gruesome death and despicable thing that the Construct has ever been responsible for... and I was seeing it from his perspective... from his "eyes"... in every last gory detail. And it all just kept coming.
All at once. All of it at once. ALL OF IT! EVERY LAST THING! IT'S LIKE I WAS FUCKINGTHEREAND WITNESSINGITALLFIRSTHAND JUSTONE GRISLYMURDERAFTERTHENEXTFORETERNITY IT NEVER ENDS ITWONTSTOP ICANTTAKETHIS ANYMOREEEEASKLFJDIDDDJVXM//////////
God I don't want to look at this computerscrEN anymore please make me stopwriting I don't careIdon'twant to so ths anymore If I stay away from the screen they go away for awhiile I jusT wantthemtoGO aWAYfucignsdlk
In that moment, I was paralyzed. I couldn't do anything. I was in shock. It was all coming too fast and I couldn't begin to process the horrors my eyes were witnessing. And then it hit me... it flashed by as quickly as all the rest and yet... it stood out. I mean... I've been able to piece some of them together over time. I recognize the details... just enough to know that I'm seeing someone I should know. A blogger we all know... someone who's died... and I see how it ended for them and- donttalkaboutthis don'ttalkaboutthist don'ttalk about this don't-
And then I saw it. I saw what he did to him...
I saw Onewinged die.
And there was this... brief moment of clarity... and I could still see it all flashing in front of me... but for that moment, none of it mattered... and I just Fucking SNAPPED.
I've heard of people charging head long at the Construct before... it never ends well... didn't stop me. I guess if I'd been in the right state of mind, I might have been surprised at how little he reacted to it. He just stodd there and didn't do a damn thing as I ran up to him screaming bloody murder. Just leapt straight at him as soon as I got close... struck my feet against his "legs", grabbed him by the "suit", and climbed right up him like a fucking tree. Til I was level with his head.... no... no... till I was ABOVE his head... staring down at HIM. Because fuck your bullshit. Just because you stand above me does not make you superior to me. All my life I've put up with this shit. The lousy egotistical punk that thinks he can push everyone around just because he's bigger and taller than the rest of them. Looking down on everyone like you're better than us. Well you're not better than us. You Are NOTHING. WHO'S LOOKING DOWN ON WHO NOW ASSHOLE?!?!?
So suddenly I'm on top of Mount Slender and staring him down and he's just staring back at me like... "what?" And I'm holding onto him by his collar and.... it's... it's not really a collar... it's... it's not really a suit. I... I don't know what the fuck it is... Almost like leather but... not. Just really smooth and firm and very
My right arm reeled back and then I swung forward as hard as I could. I punched the faceless son of a bitch as hard as I could... and I learned something interesting. The Slender Man's head is basically about as hard as a fucking rock. And twice as smooth...
I... I think I broke my fucking hand. And I didn't care. I reeled back to take another swing at him in spite of the pain... but I guess he decided one shot was all I got... because that's when he finally grabbed me. I don't know with what... arms... tentacles... whatever... I couldn't quite move anymore, so what did it matter? But I struggled and I flailed and I shouted and I fought... and more and more and more of them would grab at me... and slap me across the face and tear at my clothing and... I've seen this hentai before I think... there. I beat you all to it. fcuk off.
all if really remember after that was that he was in my face. Just big bright white nothing in my face. and I kept trying to push it awaypushitawaypushitawaybuticouldn't he was tooSTrong and I kepthearingvOICes saying NO ESCAPE and I screamed and all I could think was --fuck it, reverse tactics.
I stopped pushing away. I pulled forward. And I headbutted it as hard as I could.
I think... I think if you remember a few paragraphsago....thatthatwasabadidea...
eVerything bgame a hazy blur after that..... all I reelly remamber is hitting the ground... and staring up at him as he loomed overhead...theneverythingwntdark...andit was just me...a ndtheseFUCKINGnightMAREs....
Ive been in this hotel room ever since... don't know how i got here... don't know why roomserveice never comes... don't know how the fridge is always stocked...itjust is and ijust deal with it... because I can't trust myeslf to leave... because the moment I start to thinkimgettingbetter.... They all start flooding back.
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