Clearing the Air...

Assuming you caught my chat with Ms Fractal... I can't say I was really expecting her to show up here. Expect the unexpected I guess...

Anyways, I felt like I responded appropriately at the time, but ever since I woke up this morning I've felt really awkward about the conversation. Something about it just feels wrong and it's bothering me. I guess she got to me more than I realized. Tricky bitch...

The more I think about it, the more I think my major hangup was on the notion that I'm not as sane as I appear to be... and that I'm hiding things. Well, for starters, I really don't think I'm going to start calling my sanity into question at the advice of a woman who's unreliable narrator syndrome knows no bounds. A person who would claim to have been gifted with supernatural powers from an Evil Freaking Tree. For whom "Bipolar" does not even begin to describe. For whom "Psychotic Murderous Bitch" is an understatement. Who's only stated goal is the spread of Anarchy... because yeah, a little more chaos and disorder is really what we need right now, we're not drowning in that already or anything. A person who can't even seem to decide just who the fuck she is. This is the person questioning MY sanity? Ridiculous.

Your little Heath Ledger wannabe act isn't fooling anyone you know? I know what you're trying to do. Problem is you're barking up the wrong tree. I'm not Harvey Dent, I don't have any demons to hide. You caught me by surprise and I let my guard down out of some misguided sense of sympathy for your plight. It won't happen again. I may well not be the most sane man on the planet, but I'm certainly ahead of you by a hop, skip, and a mile.


As for the rest of it. Am I hiding things from people? Am I wearing a mask? Tch... Perhaps you could call it that. I'm certainly withholding information about myself, but I believe we've been over that haven't we? No names, no locations, no dates, no family history, no where did I work, nothing personally identifying. I'm getting along well enough with Proxies, but that doesn't mean I want them carrying around my personal information. I've got one chance of survival out here and I'm not about to go shooting myself in the foot.

I made my last post to try and let people get to know me better. To try and explain where I'm coming from. Did I leave things out? Of course I did! What? What do you want? My life's fucking story? It's not very interesting. Just another sap story in a long line of sap stories that you've all heard before. Why should I be so special?

I just don't really like talking about myself, okay? What I think of myself probably doesn't translate into what others think about me anyways. Like, oh hey! I didn't mention that I'm a judgmental prick! Oh, because you already know that! You figured that one out all on your own. I didn't have to spell it out for you. Do you need me to explain WHY I'm a judgmental prick? Maybe I've just always been a judgmental prick. I'm being one right now aren't I? See? It's just natural.

Good grief, I was just trying to give people a chance to get to know me a little better. Nobody is really talking to me unless I make a big fuss over something. Maybe I'd just like to have a NORMAL conversation with someone for once? Is that so hard? No, no, I must be trying to "manipulate people" so that I can lure them into a deadly trap and stab them to death From My Hole In The Ground. Really??? Uuuggghh!


So, yeah, okay. I'm done with this one. I just... Uuuuugh... Headache. Some of you people are just Such a Headache. I'm done talking about myself, if you want to know something else about me then freaking ASK ME. Otherwise, I'm moving on to topics of actual relevance from here on out. I've wasted enough time on this.

Everyone Needs a Starting Point

Yup, Blogger hates me more now. Refreshing it doesn't work anymore. I'm going to have to start going back to regular bookmarks.

Anyways, I’m having trouble deciding where to start... I’ve been writing things up for a while now and any particular piece of the equation is of moderate relevance to any given passerby looking for information, but I can only make a post about one thing at a time and... Siiiiigh, lets just not even go back into complaining about “too much data.” I think we’ve covered that... So I think I’m gonna just roulette it, unless something relevant pops up along the way I could use as a “reply” of sorts to... liiiikes I did with Titles and MK-II. That would actually be convenient probably... as controversy seems to get me a lot of attention. Even if it’s mostly “I will punch you in the face” sort of attention... <.<;;

Anyhoo...
I suppose the best place to realistically start is with myself. I mean, I’ve talked a lot about my situation, but not so much about me. So who the fuck am I and why the fuck should you listen to me? I’m not even a runner, what the fuck do I know? Good Question. Let’s try to answer that.

Now, on the one hand, I’m basically your typical nerd. I’ve always been in to a lot of scifi and fantasy, which would make this situation a lot cooler in retrospect if it weren’t for the whole “going to be killed by a humanoid abomination” part. But at the same time, I’ve always been pretty well grounded in reality. I can tell my fantasy from my real life stuff basically... Or I thought I could... guess I’m not so sure now.

As such, I’ve always sort of believed in the possibility of certain things... ghosts, aliens, and similar such otherworldly things... but I’ve always done so from a skeptical perspective. I’m no die hard paranormal freak. I’m not going to jump at the slightest indication of “something weird” going on. I want hard evidence, damnit. (Which Onewinged was ever so “kind” to deliver to me.)

And I’ve always been fascinated by often overlooked areas of science that promote the possibility of living a more fantasy filled life than the mundane one I lived here on Earth. Space exploration and colonization was probably the biggest thing on my list of interests. It’s part of why I went into engineering... erm, that and I wanted to build giant robots. Because seriously... Mecha. Why do we not have this yet? I mean seriously. Seriously. Mecha. What the fuck does the Construct have against a twenty story tall walking behemoth with dual mounted gatlin cannons? Don’t tell me it’s not plausible! I’m an engineer damnit! I Will Tell You What CAN and Can Not be Built!

I wonder if we had orbital space colonies scattered throughout the Lagrange Points already... if the Construct would be able to reach them? Or if he’d be shit out of luck? Certainly that’s high enough to classify as the pen-ultimate “Get Up High” location, right? Can’t perceive me up here, Bitch! Ha, haaa!

Hmm... seem to be getting off topic though. Kind of. I mean, I guess between this and everything else, my personality must have become pretty apparent, right? Which is to say it flies all over the place I guess... Consistency. Who needs it?

I guess the point of all this though is to explain that, I’m smarter than I generally make myself look. I’m heavy into fantasy, but I know where to draw the line. And I prefer to maintain logical reality based standpoints, even if I stretch it a bit here and there for the sake of theorizing.

I know I’ll never have his reputation, but if I’m going to start laying out thoughts and beliefs about this thing, then I’d rather do it from the kind of perspective Zeke Strahm and perhaps Jay(Sage) [So we’re clear on which “Jay” here.] would take, over the kind of perspective that Robert Sagel would take. Have to stay as closely rooted to reality (as we know it) as possible. The farther into crazy town and/or magic land you reach, the less credible your arguments become because normal people can’t replicate your bullshit. So I’m going to use what sanity I still have to try and spread my “gospel” with an air of reason. There’s probably still be plenty of “hokey mumbo jumbo” popping up in it, but when you’re dealing with supernatural forces that really just can not be helped sometimes.

And just to clear the air about it, though I mention and will defend aspects of it from time to time, I’m not a follower of “Core Theory.” I admire Robert Sagel, but I do believe his High Concepts were flawed. Additionally, I respect those carrying the Title of Sage not because of the Title’s connection to Core Theory or the aspects there of, but because of what the Title of Sage means to Me, from My Perspective (which I’ll get into another day). And more importantly, because those who carry the Title of Sage where highly respectable survivors long before anyone decided to pass the name on to them and would be every bit as deserving of my respect with or without their Title.

So... I guess that’s more or less the kind of thing you should expect from me in the days to come. We’ll see how it goes...

More important topics next time, I swear.