Apr 26, 2012

That was also a bad idea

Okay, so I had this bright idea, right? The redlight costume didn't really get me anywhere, but what about a Slender Man costume? Yeah, yeah, EMH did it, but that's just what "supposedly" drew it to them. They didn't keep using it to see how he'd react to the costume directly. And hey, I figure, why not take it a step further?

So I tracked down this store I found online that sells costumes for people to wear while on stilts. All I really needed were some long-ass black pants and the stilts, the rest I picked out elsewhere(they didn't have any business suit costumes anyways). So now I'm walking around as this 8-9 foot tall fucker in a business suit, my head covered in a makeshift white face mask thingie... even got some of those little white gloves to make sure my hands were the right color.

But I didn't want to walk around like this in public, cause there's more than enough shit going around to infect people as it is. So I trekked out with my gear to set out in costume through a big open forest environment. Which is the BEST IDEA, I know... but I figured his own territory was the best place to draw him out in, so into the woods we go. I reiterate, I am aware of the fact that this is the BEST IDEA EVER, so you should not need to point this out to me at any time during the comments.

So guess what happened? As I'm walking around, deep in the forest, dressed as the Construct? Can you guess it? Do you know what I ran into out there?

The Construct? Ha, haaa... no, no, that's the obvious conclusion, try again.

Proxies? Nope! Not quite... though that would have probably been interesting.

A local gathering of The Fears? Le Gasp! Could it be true?? No. No it's not.

A panicked Runner with a gun? Ooo, man, that would have been tough to explain... but no...

Give up?!?

I ran into Bear. A fucking BEAR.

Now, had this been a true slender-shenanigans incident, I would have gladly described every stupid detail of this event to you, in the deluded belief that doing so might help someone figure it out a little better based on how it reacted to me and how I got away from it. But since that isn't the case... Fuck you guys, I am keeping my embarrassing-ass story to myself, thank you. All you need to know is that I'm still alive and I'm only telling you this at all as a simple reminder that "Oh yeah, there are other terrible things in the woods that maybe you should remember to be aware of and only forgot about because there was an eldritch abomination behind you."

For the record however...
-I have a sudden incredible disliking for Bears.
-Bears are not fond of muffins.
-I'm out of muffins.
-Running in stilts through a thick wooded area is difficult as fuck.

That is All.


  1. I swear I already did the Slender Man costume, yep, yes I did, when you did redlight. That was fun.

  2. ...Okay.

    You have to stop giving me things to mock you with.

    Seriously, it's almost like you're doing it on purpose...

    1. I think he is doing it on purpose.

      Laughter-is-the-best-medicine, and all that.

  3. ...Ha!

    This actually reminds me of a mission I was once on in Florida. A Target and I found ourselves running side by side with a wild boar on our heels. We landed up taking sanctuary on the roof of this rickety old shack that shouldn't have been able to support one person leave alone two...

    Ah, the days of being a rookie.

    Far too many a tale.

    1. You and a Target? Did you call a momentary truce until the boar was gone, or how did that work out?

    2. The Target - Scott Stamper - had been a Spook, actually. Which meant Father still had him targeted Himself and I was there more for... Mindfuckery purposes than anything else. One of my plans went a little... askew. Like I said, I was a rookie at the time. Still sorting things out. And then, just for the cherry on top, our... rather large guest arrived.

      However, since the Target wasn't an Elimination... I had to make certain he came out of the mess alive. Lest it be my flesh the Higher Ups took a pound from. So the idea of 'him' vs 'myself' became... 'us' against 'THAT', more or less. I don't think Scott quite believed that himself until I was pulling him up on that bloody shack with me.

      That boar stranded us there for quite some time. We had to laugh. It was just too odd of a situation not to. It was just... one of those days.

    3. I see. Apparently, I have much to learn about Proxies and their missions. Much more complex than once thought.

  4. I didn't think you were supposed to run. Aren't you supposed to make yourself appear as big as possible and make a lot of noise? On stilts, that shouldn't have been too difficult; just open your coat and hold open, etc.

    Unless there was a cub nearby. Then you were pretty much boned anyways.

    1. I thought of that. Sounded like a good idea right up to the point where it started running at me. Then it stopped being a good idea.

    2. I would suggest you invest in a sidekick, particularly one who provides a more appealing target than yourself in a Slendy costume.

  5. You bribed a bear to leave you alone while running like crazy, didn't you?

  6. My god you're resilient. I'll take surviving a bear but on stilts is an entire different matter. I can't even imagine the ridiculous thing you're going to be doing when you are finally done in.

    I bet it'll be beautiful.

  7. Good Job not being Eaten by the bear! -Maya

  8. Gargy, you make my day. I needed that.

  9. I LIKE you! Should have killed it. Ohhh no, I change my mind, tell me where this is! I'M GONNA GO HUNTIN'!

  10. I lived in a small town all my life. And yes there are bears in the forest.

    I bet it's hard to play dead on stilts. :P


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