Oct 24, 2011

Advice for Proxies

We interrupt your regularly scheduled bout of emo whining, for an important public service announcement. What, you wanted to hear the rest of my story? Well too bad, I don't want to talk about it right now. I read enough depressing shit in a day without adding contemplation of my own personal sorrows to the soul crushing heap. I need a laugh damnit, so we're doing this.

Dear Proxy Scum...

Okay, okay, no, that's poor choice of wording. It's becoming readily more and more apparent that the initial opinion I had of you guys was incorrect... but can you really blame me for that? Most of the first few instances of Proxy involvement I witnessed involved clearly crazy people being crazy and trying to stab people and such things so I mean, really? Really? What do you expect? People like me, new to the fold, have to really DIG before we start to realize that you're still human. In the midst of all the chaos, it's easy to forget that. Especially, I would imagine, if you're a person trying not to get STABBED.

So lets try this again...

Dear Recently Hallowed,
Welcome to the fold. I suspect it will take you some time to adjust to your new life as a servant of the Grand High Tallest, but you shall find your place eventually. Your first task as a newly ordained Proxy is to seek out and cryptically torment some unfortunate blogger on the run from your new Master. We know your mind may be a tad befuddled as a result of your contact with Father, but it is nonetheless of the absolute necessity that you not make yourself look like a complete moron in front of your Runner adversaries. Therefore, before you begin your task, allow me to lay down a few simple ground rules to help you on your way.

1) Before leaving cryptic remarks for your selected victim, first ensure that said victim is STILL ALIVE. This is important. No matter how brilliant your choice of tormenting words, you will only appear a fool if you leave your comments for a blogger who has been missing and/or DEAD for over Six Months.

2) Upon selecting your victim, make sure you read their blog first. This serves two purposes, one of which shall be explored shortly, the other is to assist in fine tuning your trolling attempt. The more you know about your victim, the better your chances of getting his/her goat when you blast them with your vicious mind-games. You don't want to be too vague or accidentally remark on something they've already dealt with or overcome.

3) Always reply to your victim's most recent blog posting! If you read through the blog first, then this should be inevitable, as you will have arrived at the most recent post upon completion of your research as assigned in step two. This is also important, since most bloggers will not check their first posting(s) for comments once they've moved ahead by a few months. Or a full year. As such, your mental jabs shall never reach your opponent, completely ignored as they focus on their most recent postings. Instead, your epic trolls will only be read by poor shmucks like myself who are reading through the blog for the first time... and their only choice of response will be to stare at your brand new post on a year old posting and think "Wow. What a complete and total Dumbass."

Follow these simple guidelines and you shall be well on your way to becoming an Agent Elite!

*Ammendum: This logic applies to Runners as well by the way... Especially if you are a Runner trolling a Proxy blog. I mean seriously. Come On.


  1. Heh, I like it, although a few notes:

    1. Not all proxies are Hallowed, some actually join up without having to be ... reformated.

    2. Not all runners have blogs, I've heard of a few who never even discovered the blogs, meaning all interaction had to be done in person, no worring about knowing weather or not they've been alive. In fact I'm sure a majority of the proxies don't even look at the blogs.

    Just so you know.

    See you around

  2. Oh My, I have a visitor! Good to know I'm not just digitally talking to myself over here.

    As for your notes,
    1) Hmm... I'm skeptical about this. Hard to confirm without firsthand experience, but from what I've read through thus far, I'm having a hard time believing that these "Agent" people are completely clean. I suspect that all of the creature's minions are at least somewhat Hallowed.

    That Morningstar fellow I've started reading about calls himself an Agent, yet clearly he sights himself as having been at least partially Hallowed as a means of having his true self suppressed and to make him more obedient to his Master. Still, I suppose this may not universally be the case, as you suggest... Perhaps I should try asking one of the more lucid ones...?

    2) Ah, I hadn't considered that. I suppose it should have been an obvious fact that not everyone stalked would be active in an online community of some sort. Different strokes.

    Thank you for your insight into the matter. Every bit I learn is helpful.

  3. Oh completely clean isn't the word I'd use, but I can think of several of the top of my head who have not had to be hallowed to work for or with Him. Admitadly they aren't all on the front lines, but I'll let you look into that yourself. In fairness the people your rules have no chance of appalying to wouldn't even be on this blog in the first place. I'm glad I could be helpful, it's always nice to find someone else with an investigative mind, I'm looking forward to learning more of your story.

    See you around

  4. Well, an update is coming. I'm just... trying to avoid some of it I think. And all the reading I've got to do now is serving as a pretty good excuse to put it off.

    Hmm... but I'll be on the lookout for those agents you speak of. I'm guessing I might have located a few but... siiiiiiiiiiigh! Slow Reader At Work.

  5. The ranks are somewhat of a disputed subject. Depends on the region, and the leaders, and the.. well, you get the idea. Basically, they vary just as much as the effects of Slendy on anyone that encounters him. The point is that there is NO canon, and that these little "Higher-ups" are just playing patty cake compared to the others. But who am I to judge? Let them play their games.

  6. ....I'm not quite sure how this applies to me. And if it still does, I'm afraid I'll have to be offended. Highly so.

  7. "This logic applies to Runners as well by the way... Especially if you are a Runner trolling a Proxy blog. I mean seriously. Come On."

    I think that's the line most specifically aimed at you(though I left it open to apply to anyone really and because I didn't really want to single anyone out specifically with this post because a LOT of people do these things). Because again, had just started reading through Morningstar MK-I's blog at the time and didn't know you very well yet and I'm just like What the fuck is this person babbling about on six month old posts??

  8. Ahh. Well, I can tell you dear.. there was some off the blog comments being made. Not to mention that I read every post in one night to write about it. Head to the "Morningstar" post if you want to know what I'm talking about.

    I can tell you, I wasn't trolling. Most of the time. -shrug-


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